But I was comforted by the fact that there could be no worry about something as beautiful as the image of my little girl. Her angelic beauty made me get up and walk around my room several times before morning. I looked out of my open window at the summer dawn, watched parts of the rest of the house, and listened for any unusual sounds. I thought I heard the cry of a child and heard footsteps near my door. We had agreed that she would sleep in my room after this occasion. It became clear to me that teaching and caring for little Flora would bring me happiness.
I enjoyed Mrs. Groses pleasure and admiration as we sat at supper with my pupil, surrounded by four tall candles.
Does the little boy look like her? Is he also very special?
Oh, miss, very special. If you think well of our little girland she stood there holding a plate, smiling at our friend, who looked at each of us with calm and heavenly eyes that didnt show any doubt.
Yes, if I do?
You will be amazed by the little boy!
Well, I think thats why I came hereto be amazed. But Im afraid, Im easily amazed. I was amazed in London!
I can still see Mrs. Groses wide face as she understood. In Harley Street?
In Harley Street.
Well, miss, youre not the firstand you wont be the last.
Oh, I dont want to be the only one. My other student, as I understand, returns tomorrow?
Not tomorrowFriday, miss. He arrives, like you did, by the carriage, with the guard, and will be picked up by the same car.
I quickly said that it would be nice for me to wait for him with his little sister when the car arrives. Mrs. Grose agreed with this idea so easily that I took her manner as a promise that we would always agree on everything. She was happy that I was there!
The next day, I suppose I didnt feel as happy as when I arrived. Maybe it was just a slight feeling of being overwhelmed as I walked around my new surroundings. They were bigger than I expected, which made me a little scared but also proud. Lessons were delayed because of this. I realized that the most important thing was to win the childs trust, so I spent the day with her outside. I let her show me the place, and she was pleased by it. She showed me every step, room, and secret, telling me funny and pleasant stories about them. In just half an hour, we became great friends. Even though she was young, I was amazed by her confidence and bravery. Even in empty rooms, long hallways, and crooked stairs that made me stop, and even on top of a tall tower that made me dizzy, she was happy and eager[10] to tell me more things.
II
The first day had been mostly calming, as I said before, but it ended with a feeling of worry. The mail, which arrived late that evening, had a letter for me. However, when I saw that it was from my employer, I realized it was only a few words about another letter addressed to him, which was still unopened. I see that this is from the headmaster, and the headmaster is very annoying. Please read it and deal with it, but make sure you dont tell me anything. Not a word. Im off! I made a great effort to open the letterit took me a long time to do it. Finally, I brought the unopened letter to my room and only read it just before going to bed. I should have waited until morning because it caused me another sleepless night. The next day, feeling upset and with no one to ask for advice, I decided to talk with Mrs. Grose.
What does it mean? The childs dismissed from school.
She gave me a strange look, then seemed to try to take it back. But arent they all?
Sent homeyes. But only for the holidays. Miles may never go back at all.
She blushed, They wont take him?
They absolutely wont.
At this she raised her eyes, which she had turned from me; I saw them fill with tears. What has he done?
I wasnt sure, so I decided to give her my letter. This made her put her hands behind her without taking it. She sadly shook her head and said, Such things are not for me, miss.
My friend couldnt read! I winced[11] at my mistake, but tried to make it better. I opened my letter to read it to her, but then I stopped and put it back in my pocket.
Is he really bad? The tears were still in her eyes. Do the gentlemen say so?
They dont say any details. They simply say that it should be impossible to keep him. That can have only one meaning. Mrs. Grose listened quietly, and didnt ask me what that might mean. So, to make sense of it in my own mind with her help, I continued: That he spoils other children.
At this, with one of the quick turns of simple folk, she suddenly flamed up. Master Miles! Spoils? What horrors! Mrs. Grose cried, Well, is it possible to say such heartless words! After all, he is not even ten years old yet!
Yes, yes; it would be unbelievable.
See him, miss, first. Then believe it! I wanted to see him as soon as possible. Mrs. Grose could tell that I was affected by her words, You might as well believe it of the little lady. Bless her, she added the next momentlook at her!
She then pointed out Flora, who had come to the open door. I turned and saw Flora. Ten minutes before, I had given her a sheet of white paper, a pencil, and a copy of nice round Os, in the schoolroom. Flora seemed unbothered by unpleasant tasks and looked at me with loving eyes. She had followed me because she had developed an attachment to me. This made me understand Mrs. Groses point even more. I hugged Flora tightly and showered her with kisses.
However, for the rest of the day, I kept an eye out for an opportunity to talk to my colleague, especially because I felt like she was trying to avoid me. I caught up to her on the stairs, and we walked down together. Once we reached the bottom, I stopped her and held her arm. I told her that I understood her earlier comment as that she had never seen him misbehave.
She said, Oh, I never said I havent seen him misbehaveI dont say that!
I was upset again. Then you have seen him?
Yes indeed, miss, thank God!
You mean that a boy who never is?
Is no boy for me!
I held her tighter. You like them to be naughty[12]? Then, keeping pace with her answer, So do I! I added. But not to the point to corrupt[13]
To corrupt?my big word confused her.
I explained it. To spoil.
She stared, trying to understand what I meant; but it made her laugh in a strange way. Are you afraid hell corrupt you? She asked with bold humor, and I laughed along, feeling a bit silly.
But the next day, as it got closer to the time for my drive, I brought up another question. Who was the lady who was here before?
The previous governess? She was also young and prettyalmost as young and almost as pretty as you, miss.
Ah, then, I hope her youth and beauty helped her! I remember saying. He seems to like us young and pretty!
Oh, he did, Mrs. Grose agreed. Thats how he liked everyone! She quickly corrected herself. I mean, thats how the master likes it.
I was curious. But who were you talking about earlier?
She looked confused for a moment, but then blushed. Why, about him.
The master?
Who else?
It was clear that there was no one else, so I stopped thinking that she had accidentally said more than she wanted. Instead, I asked what I really wanted to know. Did she notice anything strange about the boy?
Anything strange? She never told me.
I had a doubt, but I ignored it. Was she careful?
About some thingsyes.
But not about everything?
Again she thought for a moment. Well, miss shes gone. I wont gossip[14].
I understand your feeling, I quickly replied, but I thought, after a moment, that it was okay to ask: Did she die here?
Noshe left.
I dont know why Mrs. Groses answer seemed unclear to me. Left to die? Was she sick, and went home?
She didnt seem sick while she was here. At the end of the year, she left to go home for a short vacation, as she said. She had earned the time off. We had another young womana nannywho stayed on and took care of the children during that time. But our young lady never returned, and just as I was expecting her, I received word from the master that she had died.