Sgiach didnt say anything, so I took a breath and kept on babbling. Im a kid. Seventeen. Barely. Im crappy at geometry. My Spanish sucks. I cant even vote yet. Fighting evil isnt my responsibilitygraduating from high school and, hopefully, making the Change is. My souls been shattered and my boyfriends been killed. Dont I deserve a break? Just a little one?
Utterly surprising me, Sgiach smiled and said, Yes, Zoey, I believe you do.
You mean I can stay here?
For as long as you wish. I know what it is to feel the world press too tightly around. Here, as you said, the world is only allowed to enter at my commandand mostly I command it to stay away.
What about the fight against Darkness and evil and whatnot?
It will be there when you return.
Wow. Seriously?
Seriously. Stay here on my isle until your soul is truly rested and restored, and your conscience tells you to return to your world and your life there.
I ignored the little pang I felt at the word conscience. Stark can stay, too, right?
Of course. A queen must always have her Guardian by her side.
Speaking of, I said quickly, glad to steer the subject away from questions of conscience and battling evil, how long has Seoras been your Guardian?
The queens eyes softened and her smile became sweeter, warmer, and even more beautiful. Seoras became my Oath Bond Guardian more than five hundred years ago.
Holy crap! Five hundred years? How old are you?
Sgiach laughed. After a certain point, dont you think age is irrelevant?
And it isna polite to ask a lassies age.
Even if he hadnt said anything, I would have known Seoras had come in the room. Sgiachs face changed when he was around. It was like he turned on a switch and made something soft and warm glow inside her. And when he gazed back at her, just for a moment, he didnt look so gruff and battle-scarred and Id-rather-kick-your-butt-than-talk-to-you.
The queen laughed and touched her Guardians arm with an intimacy that made me hope Stark and I could find even a little piece of what the two of them had. And if he called me lassie after five hundred years, that would be pretty cool, too.
Heath would have called me lassie. Well, more like girl. Or maybe just Zoforever just his Zo.
But Heath was dead and gone and hed never call me anything again.
Hes waiting for yu, young queen.
Shocked, I stared at Seoras. Heath?
The Warriors look was wise and understandinghis voice gentle. Aye, yur Heath probably does await yu somewhere in the future, but it is of yur Guardian I speak.
Stark! Oh, good, hes awake. I know I sounded guilty. I didnt mean to keep thinking about Heath, but it was hard not to. Hed been part of my life since I was nineand dead only for a few weeks. I mentally shook myself, bowed quickly to Sgiach, and started for the door.
He isna in your chamber, Seoras said. The boy is near the grove. He asked that you meet him there.
Hes outside? I paused, surprised. Since Stark had come back from the Otherworld, hed been too weak and out of it to do much more than eat, sleep, and play computer games with Seoras, which was actually a super weird sightit was like high school meets Braveheart meets Call of Duty.
Aye, the lassies done fussin about with his makeup the now and is actin like a proper Guardian again.
I put my fist on my hip and narrowed my eyes at the old Warrior. He almost died. You cut him to pieces. He was in the Otherworld. Give him a little break. Jeesh.
Aye, well, he dinna actually die, did he?
I rolled my eyes. You said hes at the grove?
Aye.
Okie dokie.
As I hurried through the doorway, Sgiachs voice followed me. Take that lovely scarf you bought in the village. It is a cold evening.
I thought it was a kinda strange thing for Sgiach to say. I mean, yeah, it was cold (and usually wet) on Skye, but fledglings and vamps dont feel changes in weather like humans do. But whatever. When a warrior queen tells you to do something, its usually best to do it. So I detoured to the huge room I shared with Stark and grabbed the scarf Id draped over the end of the canopied bed. It was cream-colored cashmere, with threads of gold woven through it, and I thought it probably looked prettier hanging against the crimson bed curtains than it did around my neck.
I paused for a second, looking at the bed Id been sharing with Stark for the past weeks. Id curled up with him, held his hand, and rested my head on his shoulder while I watched him sleep. But that was it. He hadnt even tried to tease me about making out with him.
Crap! Hes hurt bad!
I mentally cringed as I recounted how many times Stark had suffered because of me: an arrow had almost killed him because hed taken the shot that had been meant for me; hed had to be sliced up and then destroyed a part of himself to pass into the Otherworld to join me; hed been mortally wounded by Kalona because hed believed it was the only way to reach what was shattered inside me.
But Id saved him, too, I reminded myself. Stark had been rightwatching Kalona brutalize him had made me pull myself together, and because of that Nyx had forced Kalona to breathe a sliver of immortality into Starks body, returning his life and paying the debt he owed for killing Heath.
I walked through the beautifully decorated castle, nodding to the Warriors who bowed respectfully to me, and thought about Stark, automatically picking up my pace. What was he thinking, dragging himself outside after what hed been through?
Hell, I didnt know what he was thinking. Hed been different since wed been back.
Well, of course hes been different, I told myself sternly, feeling crappy and disloyal. My Warrior had made an Otherworld journey, died, been resurrected by an immortal, and then yanked back into a body that was weak and wounded.
But before then. Before wed returned to the real world, something had happened between us. Something had changed for us. Or at least Id thought it had. Wed been super intimate in the Otherworld. His drinking from me had been an incredible experience. Itd been more than sex. Yeah, itd felt good. Really, really good. It had healed him, strengthened him, andsomehowit had fixed whatever had still been broken inside me, allowing my tattoos to return.
And this new closeness with Stark had made losing Heath bearable.
So why was I feeling so depressed? What was wrong with me?
Crap. I didnt know.
A mom would know. I thought about my mom and felt an unexpected and terrible loneliness. Yeah, shed messed up and basically chosen a new husband over me, but she was still my mom. I miss her, the little voice inside my head admitted. Then I shook my head. No. I still had a mom. My grandma was that and more to me.
Its Grandma I miss. And then, of course, I felt guilty because since Id been back I hadnt even called her. Okay, sure, I knew that Grandma would feel that my soul had returnedthat I was safe. Shed always been super intuitive, especially about me. But I should have called her.
Feeling really disappointed in myself and sad, I chewed my lip and wrapped the cashmere scarf around my neck, holding the ends close while I made my way across the moat-like bridge and the cold wind whipped around me. Warriors were lighting the torches and I greeted the guys who bowed to me. I tried not to look at the creepy impaled skulls that framed the torches. Seriously. Skulls. Like of real dead people. Well, they were all old and shriveled and pretty much meatless, but still, disgusting.
Keeping my eyes carefully averted, I followed the raised pathway over the boggy area that surrounded the land side of the castle. When I got to the narrow road I turned left. The Sacred Grove began just a little way from the castle, seeming to stretch endlessly into the distance on the other side of the street. I knew where it was not because I remembered being carried, corpse-like, past it on my way to Sgiach. I knew where it was because during the past weeks, while Stark had been recovering, Id felt myself drawn to the grove. When I hadnt been with the queen, or Aphrodite, or checking on Stark, Id been taking long walks inside it.
It reminded me of the Otherworld, and the fact that this memory comforted and creeped me out at the same time scared me.
Still, Id visited the Sacred Grove, or as Seoras called it, the Croabh, but Id always come to it during daylight hours. Never after sunset. Never at night.
I walked along the road. Torches lined the street. They cast flickering shadows against the edge of the grove, lending enough light so that I could make out a hint of the mossy, magickal world within the boundary of ageless trees. It looked different without the sun making a living canopy of branches. It wasnt familiar anymore, and I felt a prickly sensation across my skin, like my senses were on super alert.
My eyes kept being pulled to the shadows within the grove. Were they blacker than they should be? Was there something not quite right lurking inside there? I shivered, and thats when a movement farther down the street caught at the edge of my vision. My heart skittered around in my chest while I peered ahead of me, half expecting wings and coldness, evil and madness
Instead what I saw had my heart skittering for other reasons.
Stark was there, standing in front of two trees that were twisted together to form one. The trees interwoven branches were decorated with strips of cloth knotted togethersome were brightly colored, some were worn and faded and tattered. It was the mortal version of the hanging tree that had stood before Nyxs Grove in the Otherworld, but just because this one was in the real world didnt mean it was any less spectacular. Especially when the guy standing in front of it, staring up at its branches, was wearing the earth-colored MacUallis plaid, in the traditional Warrior way, complete with dirk and sporran and all sorts of sexy metal-studded leather accoutrements (as Damien would say).
I stared at him as if I hadnt seen him for years. Stark looked strong and healthy and totally gorgeous. I was distracting myself by wondering what exactly Scottish guys did, or didnt, wear under those kilts when he turned to face me.
His smile lit up his eyes. I can practically hear you thinking.
My cheeks got instantly warm, especially since Stark did have the ability to sense my emotions. Youre not supposed to be listening in unless Im in danger.
His grin turned cocky and his eyes sparkled mischievously. Then dont think so loud. But youre right. I shouldnt have been listening in cause what I was getting from you was the opposite of what Id call danger.
Smart-ass, I said, but I couldnt help grinning back.
Yep, thats me, but Im your smart-ass.
Stark held out his hand to me as I reached his side, and our fingers twined together. His touch was warmhis hand strong and steady. This close to him I could see that he still had shadows under his eyes, but he wasnt as deadly pale as he had been. Youre yourself again!
Yeah, its taken me a while; my sleeps been weirdnot as restful as it should be, but its like a switch flipped inside me today and I finally recharged.
Im glad. Ive been so worried about you. As I said it I realized how true that was, and I also blurted, Ive missed you, too.
He squeezed my hand and tugged me closer to him. All of his cocky kidding evaporated. I know. Youve felt distant and scared. Whats up with that?
I started to tell him he was wrongthat I was just giving him some space to get well, but the words that formed and slipped from my lips were more honest. Youve been hurt a lot because of me.
Not because of you, Z. Ive been hurt because thats what Darkness doesit tries to destroy those of us who fight for Light.
Yeah, well, I wish Darkness would pick on someone else for a while and let you rest.
He bumped me with his shoulder. I knew what I was getting into when I swore myself to you. I was cool with it thenIm cool with it nowand Ill still be cool with it fifty years from now. And, Z, it really doesnt make me sound very manly and Guardian-like when you say Darkness is picking on me.
Look, Im being serious. You want to know whats up with me, well, Ive been worried that you might have been hurt too bad this time. I hesitated, fighting unexpected tears as I finally understood. So bad that you werent gonna get well. And then you would leave me, too.
Heaths presence was so tangible there between us that I half expected to see him step from the grove and say Hey there, Zo. No crying. You snot way too much when you cry. And of course that thought made it even harder for me not to bawl.
Listen to me, Zoey. Im your Guardian. Youre my queen; thats more than a High Priestess, so our bond is even stronger than a regular Oath Sworn Warriors.
I blinked hard. Thats good, cause it feels like bad stuff keeps trying to tear me away from everyone I love.
Nothing will ever take me away from you, Z. Ive sworn my oath on it. He smiled, and there was such confidence and trust and love in his eyes that he made my breath catch in my throat. Youll never get rid of me, mo bann ri.
Good, I said softly, leaning my head against his shoulder as he drew me inside the half circle of his arm. Im tired of the whole leaving thing.
He kissed my forehead, murmuring against my skin, Yeah, me, too.
Actually, I think the truth is that Im tired. Period. I need to recharge, too. I looked up at him. Would it be okay with you if we stayed here? I-I just dont want to leave and go back to to I hesitated, not sure how to put what I was feeling into words.
To everythingthe good and the bad. I know what you mean, said my Guardian. Its cool with Sgiach?
She said we could stay as long as my conscience lets me, I said, smiling a little wryly. And right now my conscience is definitely letting me.
Sounds good to me. Im in no rush to get back to all the Neferet drama thats gotta be waiting for us.
So we stay for a while?
Stark hugged me. We stay until you say to go.
I closed my eyes and rested in Starks arms, feeling like a huge weight had been taken off me. When he asked, Hey, would you do something with me? my response was instant and easy: Yep, anything.