Uh, yeah. I couldnt help grinning back at her. I was inside the tunnel and I didnt expect to run into the Twins and Aphrodite.
Well, that makes sense. Aphrodite is kinda booger monstery, Stevie Rae said.
I laughed, and then, grabbing the opportunity to change the subject, I said, Uh, speaking of monsters, did you find any Raven Mockers left up there?
Stevie Raes eyes shifted from mine.
Its all safe. Nothin for you to worry about, she said quickly.
Im so glad, Sister Mary Angela was saying. Those creatures were such an abominationmixing man and beast. She shivered. Im relieved we are rid of them.
But it wasnt their fault, Stevie Rae said abruptly.
Pardon me? The nun looked more than a little confused at Stevie Raes defensive tone.
They didnt ask to be born like they wereall mixed up because of rape and evil. They really were victims.
I dont feel sorry for them, I said, wondering why Stevie Rae sounded like she was standing up for the nasty Raven Mockers.
Damien shivered. Do we have to talk about them?
Nope, we sure dont, Stevie Rae said quickly.
Good, and anyway, the reason I brought Zoey down here was to show her the tunnel you made, Stevie Rae. I have to tell youI think its astonishing.
Thanks, Damien! It was seriously cool when I figured out I could actually do it. Stevie Rae took a few steps past me and into the mouth of the tunnel, where she was instantly surrounded by the total darkness that stretched behind her like the insides of a huge ebony snake. She raised her arms so that her palms pressed against the dirt walls of the tunnel. Suddenly she reminded me of a scene from Samson and Delilah, an old movie Id watched with Damien a month or so ago. The image that flashed through my memory was when Delilah had led the blind Samson to stand between massive pillars that held up the stadium filled with awful people taunting him. Hed gotten his magical strength back and ended up pushing the pillars apart and destroying himself and
Isnt that right, Zoey?
Huh? I blinked, disturbed by the sad, destructive scene Id been reliving in my mind.
I said, Mary didnt move the earth for me when I made the tunnel; the power Nyx gave me did. Jeesh, youre not payin attention to me at all, Stevie Rae said. Shed taken her hands from the side of the tunnel and was giving me her whats going on inside your head now? look.
Sorry, what were you saying about Nyx?
Just that I really dont think Nyx and the dang Virgin Mary have anything to do with each other; Jesus mama definitely didnt help me move the earth to make this tunnel. She shrugged a shoulder. I dont want to hurt your feelings or nothin like that, Sister, but thats what I think.
Youre entitled to your own opinion, Stevie Rae, said the nun, looking as calm as usual. But you should know that saying you dont believe in something doesnt make it any less possible that it exists.
Well, Ive been giving this some thought, and personally I dont find it such an odd hypothesis, Damien said. You should remember that in your Fledgling Handbook 101, Mary is illustrated as one of the many faces of Nyx.
Huh, I said. Really?
Damien gave me a stern look that clearly said you really should be a better student before he nodded, and in his best schoolteacher voice continued, Yes. It is well documented that during the influx of Christianity into Europe, shrines to Gaea, as well as Nyx, were converted to shrines for Mary long before people converted to the new
Damiens droning on and on was a soothing background as I peered into the tunnel. The darkness was deep and thick. Just inches behind Stevie Rae I could see nothing. Absolutely nothing. I stared, imagining forms hiding there. Someone or something could be lurking mere feet from us and wed never know it, not if they didnt want to be seen. And that scared me.
Okay, but thats ridiculous! I told myself. Its just a tunnel. Still, my irrational fear pushed at me. Which, sadly, pissed me off and made me want to push back. So, like every moronic blond extra in a horror movie, I took one step into the darkness. And then another.
The dark swallowed me.
My mind knew I was only a couple of feet from the root cellar and my friends. I could hear Damien blabbing about religion and the Goddess. But my mind wasnt what was beating in terror against my chest. My heart, my spirit, my soulwhatever you want to call itwas screaming soundlessly for me to run! Get away! Go!
I felt the pressure of the earth as if it wasnt a hole in the ground, but instead it had filled in, covering me suff ocating me trapping me.
My breath was coming faster and faster. I knew I must be hyperventilating, but I couldnt stop myself. I wanted to back away from the hole that snaked away from my feet into the darkness, but all I could manage was a stumbled half step back. I couldnt make my feet do what I was telling them to do! Dots of lights sparkled in my eyes, blinding me, while everything else started to go gray. Then I was falling falling
CHAPTER 5
Zoey
The darkness was unrelieved. Blinding more than my sight, it wiped away all of my senses. I thought I was gasping for breath and flailing around, trying to find somethinganything I could touch, hear, or smellanything that would give me a handhold on reality. But I had no sensation at all. The cocoon of darkness and the fluttering of my frantic heartbeat were all I knew.
Was I dead?
No, I didnt think so. I remembered that Id been in the tunnel under the Benedictine Abbey, only a few feet away from my friends. Id been freaked out by the darkness, but that couldnt have made me drop dead.
But Id been afraid. I remembered being very afraid.
Then there had been nothing but this darkness.
Whats happened to me? Nyx! My mind screamed. Help me, Goddess! Please show me some kind of light!
Listen with your soul
I thought I cried aloud at the sweet, reassuring sound of the Goddesss voice in my mind, but when her words were gone, there was only the unrelenting silence and darkness.
How in the hell was I supposed to listen with my soul?
I tried to calm myself and hear something, but there was just silencea soul-sucking, black, empty, utter silence like nothing Id ever before experienced. I had no framework to guide me here, I only knew
The realization struck me and my mind reeled with understanding.
I did have a framework to guide me. Part of me had experienced this darkness before.
I couldnt see. I couldnt feel. I couldnt do anything but turn within myself, questing for the part of me that might be able to make sense of this, that might be able to guide me out of here.
Memory stirred again, this time taking me back long before the night in the tunnel under the abbey. The years fell away with my re sis tance until finally, finally I felt again.
My senses returned slowly. I began to hear more than my own thoughts. There was a drumbeat that pulsed around me, and within it were woven the distant voices of women. The sense of smell returned to me, and I recognized the dank scent that reminded me of the abbey tunnel. Finally, I could feel the earth against my naked back. I only had an instant to sift through the flood of my returned senses before the rest of my awareness was jolted awake. I wasnt alone! My back was pressed against the earth, but I was being held tightly in someones arms.
Then he spoke.
Oh, Goddess, no! Do not let this be!
It was Kalonas voice, and my immediate reaction was to cry out and struggle blindly away from him, but I wasnt in charge of my body and the words that came from my mouth were not my own.
Sssh, do not despair. I am with you, my love.
You trapped me! Even as he cried the accusation, his arms tightened around me, and I recognized the cold passion of his immortal embrace.
I saved you, my strange voice responded as my body settled more intimately against his. You were not meant to walk this world. That is why you have been so unhappy, so insatiable.
I had no choice! The mortals do not understand.
My arms wrapped around his neck. My fingers twined through his soft, heavy hair. I understand. Be at peace here with me. Lay down your sad restlessness. I will comfort you.
I felt his surrender before he spoke the words. Yes, Kalona murmured. I will bury my sadness within you and my desperate longing will finally be spent.
Yes, my love, my consort, my Warrior yes
It was that moment that I lost myself within A-ya. I couldnt tell where her desire ended and my soul began. If I still had a choice, I didnt want it. I only knew that I was where I was destined to bein Kalonas arms.
His wings covered us, keeping the chill of his touch from burning me. His lips met mine. We explored each other slowly, thoroughly, with a sense of wonder and surrender. As our bodies began to move together I knew complete joy.
And then, suddenly, I started to dissolve.
No! The scream was wrenched from my throat and my soul. I didnt want to leave! I wanted to stay with him. My place was with him!
But, again, I wasnt in control, and I felt myself fading away, rejoining the earth, as A-ya sobbed, her broken voice echoed one word in my head: REMEMBER
The slap burned against my cheek, and I sucked in a big breath that cleared the last of the darkness from my mind. I opened my eyes and the beam of the flashlight caused me to squint and blink. I remember. My voice sounded as rusty as my mind.
You remember who you are, or should I smack you again? Aphrodite said.
My mind was slow to function because it still screamed no at being wrenched from the darkness. I blinked again and shook my head, trying to clear it. No! I cried the word with so much emotion that Aphrodite automatically moved away from me.
Fine, she said. You can thank me later.
Sister Mary Angela took her place, bending over me and smoothing my hair back from my face, which was sweaty and cold. Zoey, are you with us?
Yes, I said in a broken voice.
Zoey, what is it? What caused you to hyperventilate? the nun asked.
Youre not feeling sick, are you? Erins voice was a little tremble-y.
Not getting the urge to cough up a lung or anything? Shaunee asked, looking as upset as her twin sounded.
Stevie Rae shoved the Twins aside so she could get close to me. Talk to me, Z. Are you really okay?
Im fine. Im not dying or anything like that. My thoughts had reordered themselves, though I couldnt seem to shake off the last traces of the despair Id known with A-ya. I understood my friends were scared that my body had begun rejecting the Change. Forcing myself to focus on the here and now I held my hand out to Stevie Rae. Here, help me up. Im better now.
Stevie Rae pulled me up, careful to keep her hand under my elbow while I swayed slightly before finding my balance.
What happened to you, Z? Damien asked as he studied me.
What was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to admit to my friends that Id had an incredibly vivid memory of a past life where Id given myself to our enemy of today? I hadnt even had time to wade through the maze of new emotions the memory had caused within me. How was I going to explain them to my friends?
Just tell us, child. The truth spoken is always less frightening than supposition, said Sister Mary Angela.
I sighed and blurted, The tunnel scared me!
Scared you? Like, theres something in there? Damien had finally quit staring at me and was peering nervously into the dark opening.
The Twins took a couple steps farther into the root cellar and away from the tunnel.
No, theres nothing in there. I hesitated. At least I dont think so. Anyway, thats not what scared me.
You expect us to believe you fainted because you were scared of the dark? Aphrodite said.
They all stared at me.
I cleared my throat.
Hey, yall. Maybe theres stuff Zoey just doesnt wanna talk about, said Stevie Rae.
I looked at my best friend and realized if I didnt say something about what had just happened to me I wouldnt be able to face what I needed to do about her.
Youre right, I told Stevie Rae. I dont want to talk about it, but you guys deserve to hear the truth. I let my gaze take in the rest of the group. That tunnel freaked me out so much because my soul recognized it. I cleared my throat and went on, I remembered being trapped in the earth with Kalona.
You mean because there really is some of A-ya inside of you? Damien asked softly.
I nodded. Im me, but Im also, somehow, still a part of her.
Interesting Damien breathed a long sigh.
Well, what the hell does that mean for you and Kalona today? Aphrodite asked.
I dont know! I dont know! I dont know! I burst out, the stress and honest-to-goddess confusion about what had just happened boiled over inside me. I dont have the damn answers. All I have is the memory and zero time to process it. How about you guys back off just a little and let me get the mess inside my head straight?
Everyone shuffled around and mumbled okays, sending me shes lost her mind looks. Ignoring my gawking friends, and the unanswered Kalona questions that were almost visible in the air around me, I turned to Stevie Rae. Explain to me exactly how you made the tunnel.
I could tell by the question mark in her blue eyes that she was worried about my tone. I hadnt sounded all Crap! I just fainted and need to change the subject cause Im embarrassed by being a reincarnated chick. Id sounded like a High Priestess.
Well, it wasnt really that big of a thing. Stevie Rae looked nervous and uncomfortable, like she was trying too hard to be nonchalant because she was feeling the exact opposite. Hey, are you sure youre okay? Shouldnt we go up out of here and maybe get you a brown pop or somethin? I mean, if this place gives you flashbacks, talkin someplace else sounds like a good idea.