Hey, I said softly, wishing she and I were back at the House of Night and could talk as easily as we used to. Theres a big difference between an accident causing something to be born messed up, and something terrible that happens after someones born. On one hand youre made the way you areon the other, something tried to change you into someone youre not.
Huh? Heath said.
I believe what Zoey is trying to say is that she understands why Stevie Rae might empathize with the dead Raven Mockers, even when she really has nothing in common with them, said Sister Mary Angela. And Zoey would be right. Those creatures are dark beings, and even though I, too, am disconcerted by death, I understand that they needed to die.
Stevie Raes gaze left mine. Youre both wrong. Thats not what Im thinkin, but Im not gonna talk about it anymore. She started down the hall, walking quickly away from us.
Stevie Rae? I called after her.
She didnt even look back at me. Im gonna find Erik, make sure everythings really okay out there, and then send him inside. Ill talk to you later. She turned and disappeared through a door I assumed led to the outside, slamming it behind her.
Thats not usually how she acts, Dallas said.
Ill pray for her, Sister Mary Angela whispered.
Dont worry, Heath said. Shell be back inside pretty soon. The suns getting ready to come up.
I swiped my hand across my face. What I shouldve done was follow Stevie Rae outside, corner her, and make her tell me exactly what was going on. But I couldnt deal with one more problem just then. I hadnt even dealt with my A-ya memory. I could feel it sitting there in the back of my mind like a guilty secret.
Zo, are you okay? You look like you need some sleep. We all do, Heath said, yawning.
I blinked and gave him a weary smile. Yeah, thats true. Ill go to bed. First I want to check on Stark real quick, though.
Very quickly, Sister Mary Angela said.
I nodded. Without looking at Heath, I said, Okay, well, um. Ill see you guys in about eight hours or so.
Good night, child. Sister Mary Angela hugged me and whispered, And may our Lady bless and watch over you.
Thanks, Sister, I whispered back, hugging her tightly.
When I let her go, Heath surprised me by taking my hand. I gave him a question-mark look.
Ill walk you to Starks room, he said.
Feeling defeated, I shrugged, and he and I started down the hall, hand in hand. We didnt say anything; we just walked. Heaths hand was warm and familiar in mine and I fell into step easily beside him. I was just starting to let myself relax when Heath cleared his throat.
Hey, uh, I want to say sorry about that crap outside earlier with Erik and me. It was stupid. I shouldnt let him get to me, Heath said.
Youre rightyou shouldnt, but he can be annoying, I said.
Heath grinned. Tell me about it. Youre gonna dump him pretty soon, arent you?
Heath, I am so not going to talk about Erik with you.
His grin just got bigger. I rolled my eyes.
You cant fool me. I know you too well. You dont go for bossy guys.
Just shut up and walk, I said, but I squeezed his hand, and he squeezed mine back. He was rightI didnt like bossy guys, and he did know me very, very well.
Wed come to a turn in the hallway. There was a nice picture window with an alcove in front of it, complete with a cushy bench that looked perfect for reading. On the windowsill there was a beautiful porcelain statue of Mary with several votives burning on either side of her. Heath and I slowed down, pausing by the window.
Thats really pretty, I said softly.
Yeah, Ive never paid Mary much attention. But all these statues of her lit up by candles are cool looking. Do you think the nuns right? Could Mary be Nyx and Nyx be Mary?
I have no idea.
Doesnt Nyx talk to you?
Yeah, sometimes, but the subject of Jesus mom hasnt come up, I said.
Well, I think you should ask her next time.
Maybe I will, I said.
We just stood there, holding hands and watching the way the warm yellow flames danced off the gleaming statue. I was thinking about how nice it would be if my Goddess would visit me during a time that wasnt filled with life-and-death stress when Heath blurted, So I hear that Stark swore himself into your service as a Warrior.
I studied him carefully, looking for signs that he was pissed or jealous, but all I saw in his blue eyes was curiosity.
Yeah, he did.
Word is thats a majorly special bond.
Yeah, it is, I said.
Hes the guy who cant miss with an arrow, right?
Right.
So having him on your side is kinda like being protected by the Terminator?
That made me smile. Well, hes not as big as Arnold, but I guess its a pretty good comparison.
Does he love you, too?
His question caught me off guard, and I didnt know what to say. As hed been doing since we were in grade school, Heath seemed to know the exact right thing to say. Just tell me the truth, thats all.
Yeah, I think he loves me.
And you him?
Maybe, I said reluctantly. But it doesnt change how I feel about you.
But what does that mean for you and me today?
It was weird that his words echoed Aphrodites question about where the A-ya memory left Kalona and me. I felt overwhelmed because I didnt have an answer for either of them; I rubbed at the headache that was starting to pound through my right temple. I guess it leaves us Imprinted and annoyed.
Heath didnt say anything. He just watched me with that sweet, sad, familiar look that said more about how badly I was hurting him than a dozen screaming matches between us would have.
He was breaking my heart.
Heath, Im so sorry. I just I just My voice broke and I tried again. I just dont know what to do about a lot of things right now.
I do. Heath sat down on the bench and held out his arms to me. Zo, come here.
I shook my head. Heath, I cant
Im not asking anything from you, he interrupted firmly. Im giving you something. Come here.
When I just looked at him in confusion he sighed, reached up, took my hands, and gently drew my stiff but unresisting body to his lap and into his arms. He held me, resting his cheek on top of my head, like hed been doing since hed gotten bigger than me somewhere around the eighth grade. My face was pressed against the crook of his neck and I inhaled his scent. It was the fragrance of my childhoodof long summer nights sitting in the backyard by the mosquito zapper while we listened to music and talkedof after-game parties where I stayed snug within his arm as lots of girls (and guys for that matter) gushed about the great passes hed thrownof long good-night kisses and the passion that came with discovering love.
And I realized suddenly that while Id been breathing in familiarity and security, Id also been relaxing. With a sigh, I curled into him.
Better? Heath murmured.
Better, I said. Heath, I really dont know
Dont! His arms tightened around me and then gentled again. Right now dont worry about me or Erik or that new guy. Right now just remember us. Remember what its been like between us for years. Im here for you, Zo. Through all the crap that I cant really understand, Im here. And we belong to each other. My blood says so.
Why? I asked, still cradled in his arms. Why are you still here, still willing to be with me even when you know about Erik and Stark?
Because I love you, he said simply. Ive loved you for as long as I can remember, and Im going to love you for the rest of my life.
Tears stung my eyes and I blinked hard, trying not to cry. But Heath, Starks not going to go away. And I dont really know what Im going to do about Erik.
I know.
I drew a deep breath and on the exhale said, And inside of me theres a connection with Kalona that I cant help.
But you said no to him and chased him away.
I did, but II have memories that are stuck in my soul, and they have to do with who I was in a different lifetime, and during that lifetime I was with Kalona.
Instead of asking me a zillion questions, or pulling away from me, his arms tightened around me. Its going to be okay, he said, sounding like he really meant it. Youre going to figure all of this out.
I dont see how. I dont even know what to do about you.
There isnt anything to do about me. Im with you. Thats it. He paused and then added quickly, like he wanted to get the words out of his mouth, If I have to share you with the vampyres, I will.
Still in his arms, I leaned back so I could meet his gaze. Heath, you are entirely too jealous for me to believe its okay with you if Im with another guy.
I didnt say its okay with me. I definitely wont like it, but I dont want to be without you, Zoey.
Thats just too weird, I said.
He took my chin in his hand when I tried to look away from him. Yeah, its weird. But the truth is, as long as were Imprinted I know I have something with you no one else has. I can give you something none of those big, bad Dracula-wannabes can ever touch. I can give you something that even an immortal cant touch.
I stared at him. Heaths eyes were bright with tears. He looked so much older than eighteen that it almost scared me. I dont want to make you sad, I said. I dont want to mess up your life.
Then stop trying to send me away from you. We belong together.
Okay, I realize it was wrong of me, but instead of answering him and arguing that us being together just couldnt work, I curled up in his arms and let him hold me. Yeah, it was selfish of me, but I lost myself in Heath and the touch of my past. The way he held me was perfect. He didnt try to make out with me. He didnt grope me, or grind against me. He didnt try to feel me up. He didnt even offer to cut himself and let me drink his blood, which would have automatically let loose a passion between us that would burn both of us out of control. Heath held me gently and murmured how much he loved me. He told me everything really would be okay. I could feel his heartbeat against me. I could sense the rich, enticing blood that was there, so warm and so close, but just then what I needed even more than his Imprinted blood was familiarity, our joined past, and the strength of his understanding.
And thats the moment Heath Luck, my high school sweetheart, truly became my consort.
CHAPTER 7
Stevie Rae
Feeling like a total butthead, Stevie Rae slammed the abbey door and retreated into the icy night. She wasnt really pissed at Zoey, or at the super-nice, if slightly delusional, nun. Actually, she wasnt pissed at anyone but herself.
Dang it! I hate that Im messin this up! she yelled at herself. She hadnt meant to screw things up royally, but it seemed like she was diggin through a pile of shit that just kept getting deeper and deeper no matter how fast she shoveled.
Zoey wasnt a moron. She knew something was wrong. That was obvious, but how could Stevie Rae even start to tell her? There was just so much to explain. He was just so much to explain. And shed never meant for any of it to happen. Especially not the Raven Mocker part. Dang it! Before shed discovered him almost dead, she wouldnt have even thought it was possible. Had someone told her about him before, she would have laughed and said, Nope, that aint gonna happen!
But it was possible because it had happened. He had happened.
As Stevie Rae prowled around the silent abbey grounds looking for pain-in-the-butt Erik, who might very well discover this last, most terrible secret and really throw a wrench in the dang tractor motor, she tried to figure out just how the hell shed gotten herself into such a gawd-awful mess. Why had she saved him? Why hadnt she just hollered for Dallas and the rest of em, and had them finish it?
That had even been what hed said he wanted before he passed out.
But hed spoken. Hed sounded so human. And she hadnt been able to kill him.
Erik! Where the heck was he? Erik, come here! She paused her internal battle and called into the night. Night? Stevie Rae squinted to the east and swore she could see the darkness there beginning to turn the ripe plum color of predawn. Erik! Time to report in! Stevie Rae yelled for the third time. She stopped and peered around the silent abbey grounds.
Stevie Raes gaze slid over to the green house that had been turned into a temporary stable for the horses Z and the rest of the gang had ridden in their escape from the House of Night. But it wasnt so much the green house that drew her gaze. It was the innocent-looking equipment shed next to it that she couldnt quit staring at. The shed appeared totally normaljust an add-on building with no windows. The door hadnt even been locked. She should know. Shed been inside it not too long ago.
Hey, whats wrong? Did you see something over there?
Oh, shit! Stevie Rae jumped and spun around, heart hammering so hard in her chest she almost couldnt breathe. Erik! You scared the bejesus right outta me! Would you make some dang noise or somethin before you bust up on someone like that?
Sorry, Stevie Rae, but you were calling me.
Stevie Rae brushed a blond curl back behind her ear and tried to ignore the fact that her hand was shaking. She was just seriously no good at this sneaking-around-and-hiding-things-from-your-friends stuff. But she lifted her chin and forced her nerves to settle down, and the easiest way to do that was to take a chomp out of pain-in-the-butt Erik.
Stevie Rae narrowed her eyes at him. Yeah, I was callin you because youre supposed to be inside with everyone else. What the heck are ya still doin out here, anyway? Youre worrying Zoeylike she needs any more stress from you right now?
Zoey was looking for me?
With an effort, Stevie Rae didnt roll her eyes at Erik. He was sooooo annoying. He acted like Mr. Perfect Boyfriend part of the time, and then would suddenly change up and be an arrogant jerk. She was gonna have to tell Z about himthat was if Z would still listen to her. The two of them hadnt exactly been very close lately. Too many secrets too many issues sitting squarely between them