What do you mean by being triumphant?
Well, doing what you like.
To triumph, then, it seems to me, is to fail! Doing all the vain things one likes is often very tiresome.
Exactly, said Osmond with his quiet quickness. As I intimated just now, youll be tired some day. He paused a moment and then he went on: I dont know whether I had better not wait till then for something I want to say to you.
Ah, I cant advise you without knowing what it is. But Im horrid when Im tired, Isabel added with due inconsequence.
I dont believe that. Youre angry, sometimesthat I can believe, though Ive never seen it. But Im sure youre never cross.
Not even when I lose my temper?
You dont lose ityou find it, and that must be beautiful. Osmond spoke with a noble earnestness. They must be great moments to see.
If I could only find it now! Isabel nervously cried.
Im not afraid; I should fold my arms and admire you. Im speaking very seriously. He leaned forward, a hand on each knee; for some moments he bent his eyes on the floor. What I wish to say to you, he went on at last, looking up, is that I find Im in love with you.
She instantly rose. Ah, keep that till I am tired!
Tired of hearing it from others? He sat there raising his eyes to her. No, you may heed it now or never, as you please. But after all I must say it now. She had turned away, but in the movement she had stopped herself and dropped her gaze upon him. The two remained a while in this situation, exchanging a long lookthe large, conscious look of the critical hours of life. Then he got up and came near her, deeply respectful, as if he were afraid he had been too familiar. Im absolutely in love with you.
He had repeated the announcement in a tone of almost impersonal discretion, like a man who expected very little from it but who spoke for his own needed relief. The tears came into her eyes: this time they obeyed the sharpness of the pang that suggested to her somehow the slipping of a fine boltbackward, forward, she couldnt have said which. The words he had uttered made him, as he stood there, beautiful and generous, invested him as with the golden air of early autumn; but, morally speaking, she retreated before themfacing him stillas she had retreated in the other cases before a like encounter. Oh dont say that, please, she answered with an intensity that expressed the dread of having, in this case too, to choose and decide. What made her dread great was precisely the force which, as it would seem, ought to have banished all dreadthe sense of something within herself, deep down, that she supposed to be inspired and trustful passion. It was there like a large sum stored in a bankwhich there was a terror in having to begin to spend. If she touched it, it would all come out.
I havent the idea that it will matter much to you, said Osmond. Ive too little to offer you. What I haveits enough for me; but its not enough for you. Ive neither fortune, nor fame, nor extrinsic advantages of any kind. So I offer nothing. I only tell you because I think it cant offend you, and some day or other it may give you pleasure. It gives me pleasure, I assure you, he went on, standing there before her, considerately inclined to her, turning his hat, which he had taken up, slowly round with a movement which had all the decent tremor of awkwardness and none of its oddity, and presenting to her his firm, refined, slightly ravaged face. It gives me no pain, because its perfectly simple. For me youll always be the most important woman in the world.
Isabel looked at herself in this characterlooked intently, thinking she filled it with a certain grace. But what she said was not an expression of any such complacency. You dont offend me; but you ought to remember that, without being offended, one may be incommoded, troubled. Incommoded, she heard herself saying that, and it struck her as a ridiculous word. But it was what stupidly came to her.
I remember perfectly. Of course youre surprised and startled. But if its nothing but that, it will pass away. And it will perhaps leave something that I may not be ashamed of.
I dont know what it may leave. You see at all events that Im not overwhelmed, said Isabel with rather a pale smile. Im not too troubled to think. And I think that Im glad I leave Rome to-morrow.
Of course I dont agree with you there.
I dont at all know you, she added abruptly; and then she coloured as she heard herself saying what she had said almost a year before to Lord Warburton.
If you were not going away youd know me better.
I shall do that some other time.
I hope so. Im very easy to know.
No, no, she emphatically answeredthere youre not sincere. Youre not easy to know; no one could be less so.
Well, he laughed, I said that because I know myself. It may be a boast, but I do.
Very likely; but youre very wise.
So are you, Miss Archer! Osmond exclaimed.
I dont feel so just now. Still, Im wise enough to think you had better go. Good-night.
God bless you! said Gilbert Osmond, taking the hand which she failed to surrender. After which he added: If we meet again youll find me as you leave me. If we dont I shall be so all the same.
Thank you very much. Good-bye.
There was something quietly firm about Isabels visitor; he might go of his own movement, but wouldnt be dismissed. Theres one thing more. I havent asked anything of younot even a thought in the future; you must do me that justice. But theres a little service I should like to ask. I shall not return home for several days; Romes delightful, and its a good place for a man in my state of mind. Oh, I know youre sorry to leave it; but youre right to do what your aunt wishes.
She doesnt even wish it! Isabel broke out strangely.
Osmond was apparently on the point of saying something that would match these words, but he changed his mind and rejoined simply: Ah well, its proper you should go with her, very proper. Do everything thats proper; I go in for that. Excuse my being so patronising. You say you dont know me, but when you do youll discover what a worship I have for propriety.
Youre not conventional? Isabel gravely asked.
I like the way you utter that word! No, Im not conventional: Im convention itself. You dont understand that? And he paused a moment, smiling. I should like to explain it. Then with a sudden, quick, bright naturalness, Do come back again, he pleaded. There are so many things we might talk about.
She stood there with lowered eyes. What service did you speak of just now?
Go and see my little daughter before you leave Florence. Shes alone at the villa; I decided not to send her to my sister, who hasnt at all my ideas. Tell her she must love her poor father very much, said Gilbert Osmond gently.
It will be a great pleasure to me to go, Isabel answered. Ill tell her what you say. Once more good-bye.
On this he took a rapid, respectful leave. When he had gone she stood a moment looking about her and seated herself slowly and with an air of deliberation. She sat there till her companions came back, with folded hands, gazing at the ugly carpet. Her agitationfor it had not diminishedwas very still, very deep. What had happened was something that for a week past her imagination had been going forward to meet; but here, when it came, she stoppedthat sublime principle somehow broke down. The working of this young ladys spirit was strange, and I can only give it to you as I see it, not hoping to make it seem altogether natural. Her imagination, as I say, now hung back: there was a last vague space it couldnt crossa dusky, uncertain tract which looked ambiguous and even slightly treacherous, like a moorland seen in the winter twilight. But she was to cross it yet.