At dinner I watched for the signs of this impression, tried to fancy there was some happier light in his eyes; but to my disappointment Lady Jane gave me no chance to make sure. I had hoped she would call triumphantly down the table, publicly demand if she hadnt been right. The party was largethere were people from outside as well, but I had never seen a table long enough to deprive Lady Jane of a triumph. I was just reflecting in truth that this interminable board would deprive me of one, when the guest next me, dear womanshe was Miss Poyle, the vicars sister, a robust, unmodulated personhad the happy inspiration and the unusual courage to address herself across it to Vereker, who was opposite, but not directly, so that when he replied they were both leaning forward. She inquired, artless body, what he thought of Lady Janes panegyric, which she had readnot connecting it however with her right-hand neighbour; and while I strained my ear for his reply I heard him, to my stupefaction, call back gaily, with his mouth full of bread: Oh, its all rightits the usual twaddle!
I had caught Verekers glance as he spoke, but Miss Poyles surprise was a fortunate cover for my own. You mean he doesnt do you justice? said the excellent woman.
Vereker laughed out, and I was happy to be able to do the same. Its a charming article, he tossed us.
Miss Poyle thrust her chin half across the cloth.
Oh youre so deep! she drove home.
As deep as the ocean! All I pretend is, the author doesnt see
A dish was at this point passed over his shoulder, and we had to wait while he helped himself.
Doesnt see what? my neighbour continued.
Doesnt see anything.
Dear mehow very stupid!
Not a bit, Vereker laughed again. Nobody does.
The lady on his further side appealed to him, and Miss Poyle sank back to me. Nobody sees anything! she cheerfully announced; to which I replied that I had often thought so too, but had somehow taken the thought for a proof on my own part of a tremendous eye. I didnt tell her the article was mine; and I observed that Lady Jane, occupied at the end of the table, had not caught Verekers words.
I rather avoided him after dinner, for I confess he struck me as cruelly conceited, and the revelation was a pain. The usual twaddlemy acute little study! That ones admiration should have had a reserve or two could gall him to that point? I had thought him placid, and he was placid enough; such a surface was the hard, polished glass that encased the bauble of his vanity. I was really ruffled, the only comfort was that if nobody saw anything George Corvick was quite as much out of it as I. This comfort however was not sufficient, after the ladies had dispersed, to carry me in the proper mannerI mean in a spotted jacket and humming an airinto the smoking-room. I took my way in some dejection to bed; but in the passage I encountered Mr. Vereker, who had been up once more to change, coming out of his room. He was humming an air and had on a spotted jacket, and as soon as he saw me his gaiety gave a start.
My dear young man, he exclaimed, Im so glad to lay hands on you! Im afraid I most unwittingly wounded you by those words of mine at dinner to Miss Poyle. I learned but half an hour ago from Lady Jane that you wrote the little notice in The Middle.
I protested that no bones were broken; but he moved with me to my own door, his hand on my shoulder, kindly feeling for a fracture; and on hearing that I had come up to bed he asked leave to cross my threshold and just tell me in three words what his qualification of my remarks had represented. It was plain he really feared I was hurt, and the sense of his solicitude suddenly made all the difference to me. My cheap review fluttered off into space, and the best things I had said in it became flat enough beside the brilliancy of his being there. I can see him there still, on my rug, in the firelight and his spotted jacket, his fine, clear face all bright with the desire to be tender to my youth. I dont know what he had at first meant to say, but I think the sight of my relief touched him, excited him, brought up words to his lips from far within. It was so these words presently conveyed to me something that, as I afterwards knew, he had never uttered to any one. I have always done justice to the generous impulse that made him speak; it was simply compunction for a snub unconsciously administered to a man of letters in a position inferior to his own, a man of letters moreover in the very act of praising him. To make the thing right he talked to me exactly as an equal and on the ground of what we both loved best. The hour, the place, the unexpectedness deepened the impression: he couldnt have done anything more exquisitely successful.
III
I dont quite know how to explain it to you, he said, but it was the very fact that your notice of my book had a spice of intelligence, it was just your exceptional sharpness that produced the feelinga very old story with me, I beg you to believeunder the momentary influence of which I used in speaking to that good lady the words you so naturally resent. I dont read the things in the newspapers unless theyre thrust upon me as that one wasits always ones best friend that does it! But I used to read them sometimesten years ago. I daresay they were in general rather stupider then; at any rate it always seemed to me that they missed my little point with a perfection exactly as admirable when they patted me on the back as when they kicked me in the shins. Whenever since Ive happened to have a glimpse of them they were still blazing awaystill missing it, I mean, deliciously. You miss it, my dear fellow, with inimitable assurance; the fact of your being awfully clever and your articles being awfully nice doesnt make a hairs breadth of difference. Its quite with you rising young men, Vereker laughed, that I feel most what a failure I am!
I listened with intense interest; it grew in-tenser as he talked. You a failureheavens! What then may your little point happen to be?
Have I got to tell you, after all these years and labours? There was something in the friendly reproach of thisjocosely exaggeratedthat made me, as an ardent young seeker for truth, blush to the roots of my hair. Im as much in the dark as ever, though Ive grown used in a sense to my obtuseness; at that moment, however, Verekers happy accent made me appear to myself, and probably to him, a rare donkey. I was on the point of exclaiming, Ah, yes, dont tell me: for my honour, for that of the craft, dont! when he went on in a manner that showed he had read my thought and had his own idea of the probability of our some day redeeming ourselves. By my little point I meanwhat shall I call it?the particular thing Ive written my books most for. Isnt there for every writer a particular thing of that sort, the thing that most makes him apply himself, the thing without the effort to achieve which he wouldnt write at all, the very passion of his passion, the part of the business in which, for him, the flame of art burns most intensely? Well, its that!
I considered a moment. I was fascinatedeasily, youll say; but I wasnt going after all to be put off my guard. Your descriptions certainly beautiful, but it doesnt make what you describe very distinct.
I promise you it would be distinct if it should dawn on you at all. I saw that the charm of our topic overflowed for my companion into an emotion as lively as my own. At any rate, he went on, I can speak for myself: theres an idea in my work without which I wouldnt have given a straw for the whole job. Its the finest, fullest intention of the lot, and the application of it has been, I think, a triumph of patience, of ingenuity. I ought to leave that to somebody else to say; but that nobody does say it is precisely what were talking about. It stretches, this little trick of mine, from book to book, and everything else, comparatively, plays over the surface of it. The order, the form, the texture of my books will perhaps some day constitute for the initiated a complete representation of it. So its naturally the thing for the critic to look for. It strikes me, my visitor added, smiling, even as the thing for the critic to find.