A Passionate Pilgrim - Генри Джеймс страница 2.

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Following this I heard a sudden clatter as of the drop of a knife and fork. Well, youre a delicate sort of creature, if it IS your ugly name! Ive been wandering about all day in this accursed city, ready to cry with homesickness and heartsickness and every possible sort of sickness, and thinking, in the absence of anything better, of meeting you here this evening and of your uttering some sound of cheer and comfort and giving me some glimmer of hope. Go under? Aint I under now? I cant do more than get under the ground!

Mr. Simmonss superior brightness appeared to flicker a moment in this gust of despair, but the next it was burning steady again. DONT cry, Searle, I heard him say. Remember the waiter. Ive grown Englishman enough for that. For heavens sake dont lets have any nerves. Nerves wont do anything for you here. Its best to come to the point. Tell me in three words what you expect of me.

I heard another movement, as if poor Searle had collapsed in his chair. Upon my word, sir, youre quite inconceivable. You never got my letter?

Yes, I got your letter. I was never sorrier to get anything in my life.

At this declaration Mr. Searle rattled out an oath, which it was well perhaps that I but partially heard. Abijah Simmons, he then cried, what demon of perversity possesses you? Are you going to betray me here in a foreign land, to turn out a false friend, a heartless rogue?

Go on, sir, said sturdy Simmons. Pour it all out. Ill wait till youve done. Your beers lovely, he observed independently to the waiter. Ill have some more.

For Gods sake explain yourself! his companion appealed.

There was a pause, at the end of which I heard Mr. Simmons set down his empty tankard with emphasis. You poor morbid mooning man, he resumed, I dont want to say anything to make you feel sore. I regularly pity you. But you must allow that youve acted more like a confirmed crank than a member of our best societyin which every ones so sensible.

Mr. Searle seemed to have made an effort to compose himself. Be so good as to tell me then what was the meaning of your letter.

Well, you had got on MY nerves, if you want to know, when I wrote it. It came of my always wishing so to please folks. I had much better have let you alone. To tell you the plain truth I never was so horrified in my life as when I found that on the strength of my few kind words you had come out here to seek your fortune.

What then did you expect me to do?

I expected you to wait patiently till I had made further enquiries and had written you again.

And youve made further enquiries now?

Enquiries! Ive committed assaults.

And you find Ive no claim?

No claim that one of THESE big bugs will look at. It struck me at first that you had rather a neat little case. I confess the look of it took hold of me

Thanks to your liking so to please folks! Mr. Simmons appeared for a moment at odds with something; it proved to be with his liquor. I rather think your beers too good to be true, he said to the waiter. I guess Ill take water. Come, old man, he resumed, dont challenge me to the arts of debate, or youll have me right down on you, and then you WILL feel me. My native sweetness, as I say, was part of it. The idea that if I put the thing through it would be a very pretty feather in my cap and a very pretty penny in my purse was part of it. And the satisfaction of seeing a horrid low American walk right into an old English estate was a good deal of it. Upon my word, Searle, when I think of it I wish with all my heart that, extravagant vain man as you are, I COULD, for the charm of it, put you through! I should hardly care what you did with the blamed place when you got it. I could leave you alone to turn it into Yankee notionsinto ducks and drakes as they call em here. I should like to see you tearing round over it and kicking up its sacred dust in their very faces!

You dont know me one little bit, said Mr. Searle, rather shirking, I thought, the burden of this tribute and for all response to the ambiguity of the compliment.

I should be very glad to think I didnt, sir. Ive been to no small amount of personal inconvenience for you. Ive pushed my way right up to the headspring. Ive got the best opinion thats to be had. The best opinion thats to be had just gives you one leer over its spectacles. I guess that look will fix you if you ever get it straight. Ive been able to tap, indirectly, Mr. Simmons went on, the solicitor of your usurping cousin, and he evidently knows something to be in the wind. It seems your elder brother twenty years ago put out a feeler. So youre not to have the glory of even making them sit up.

I never made any one sit up, I heard Mr. Searle plead. I shouldnt begin at this time of day. I should approach the subject like a gentleman.

Well, if you want very much to do something like a gentleman youve got a capital chance. Take your disappointment like a gentleman.

I had finished my dinner and had become keenly interested in poor Mr. Searles unencouragingor unencouragedclaim; so interested that I at last hated to hear his trouble reflected in his voice without being ableall respectfully!to follow it in his face. I left my place, went over to the fire, took up the evening paper and established a post of observation behind it.

His cold counsellor was in the act of choosing a soft chop from the dishan act accompanied by a great deal of prying and poking with that gentlemans own fork. My disillusioned compatriot had pushed away his plate; he sat with his elbows on the table, gloomily nursing his head with his hands. His companion watched him and then seemed to wonderto do Mr. Simmons justicehow he could least ungracefully give him up. I say, Searle,and for my benefit, I think, taking me for a native ingenuous enough to be dazzled by his wit, he lifted his voice a little and gave it an ironical ringin this country its the inestimable privilege of a loyal citizen, under whatsoever stress of pleasure or of pain, to make a point of eating his dinner.

Mr. Searle gave his plate another push. Anything may happen now. I dont care a straw.

You ought to care. Have another chop and you WILL care. Have some better tipple. Take my advice! Mr. Simmons went on.

My friendI adopt that name for himgazed from between his two hands coldly before him. Ive had enough of your advice.

A little more, said Simmons mildly; I shant trouble you again. What do you mean to do?

Nothing.

Oh come!

Nothing, nothing, nothing!

Nothing but starve. How about meeting expenses?

Why do you ask? said my friend. You dont care.

My dear fellow, if you want to make me offer you twenty pounds you set most clumsily about it. You said just now I dont know you, Mr. Simmons went on. Possibly. Come back with me then, he said kindly enough, and lets improve our acquaintance.

I wont go back. I shall never go back.

Never?

Never.

Mr. Simmons thought it shrewdly over. Well, you ARE sick! he exclaimed presently. All I can say is that if youre working out a plan for cold poison, or for any other act of desperation, you had better give it right up. You cant get a dose of the commonest kind of cold poison for nothing, you know. Look here, Searleand the worthy man made what struck me as a very decent appeal. If youll consent to return home with me by the steamer of the twenty-third Ill pay your passage down. More than that, Ill pay for your beer.

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