She saw him as he came up on the porch, and stopped, looking out, as if bewildered,then resumed her walk, mechanically. What it cost her to see him again he could not tell: her face did not alter. It was lifeless and schooled, the eyes looking straight forward always, indifferently. Was this his work? If he had killed her outright, it would have been better than this.
The windows were low: it had been his old habit to go in through them, and he now went up to one unconsciously. As he opened it, he saw her turn away for an instant; then she waited for him, entirely tranquil, the clear fire shedding a still glow over the room, no cry or shiver of pain to show how his coming broke open the old wound. She smiled even, when he leaned against the window looking, with a careless welcome.
Holmes stopped, confounded. It did not suit him,this. If you know a mans nature, you comprehend why. The bitterest reproach or a proud contempt would have been less galling than this gentle indifference. His hold had slipped from off the woman, he believed. A moment before he had remembered how he had held her in his arms, touched her cold lips, and then flung her off,he had remembered it, his every nerve shrinking with remorse and unutterable tenderness: now! The utter quiet of her face told more than words could do. She did not love him; he was nothing to her. Then love was a lie. A moment before he could have humbled himself in her eyes as low as he lay in his own, and accepted her pardon as a necessity of her enduring, faithful nature: now the whole strength of the man sprang into rage and mad desire of conquest.
He came gravely across the room, holding out his hand with his old quiet control. She might be cold and grave as he, but underneath he knew there was a thwarted hungry spirit,a strong fine spirit as dainty Ariel. He would sting it to life, and tame it: it was his.
I thought you would come, Stephen, she said, simply, motioning him to a chair.
Could this automaton be Margaret? He leaned on the mantel-shelf, looking down with a cynical sneer.
Is that the welcome? Why, there are a thousand greetings for this time of love and good words you might have chosen. Besides, I have come back ill and poor,a beggar perhaps. How do women receive such,generous women? Is there no formula? no hand-shaking? nothing more? remembering that I was oncenot indifferent to you.
He laughed. She stood still and grave as before.
Why, Margaret, I have been down near death since that night.
He thought her lips grew gray, but she looked up clear and steady.
I am glad you did not die. Yes, I can say that. As for hand-shaking, my ideas may be peculiar as your own.
She measures her words, he said, as to himself; her very eye-light is ruled by decorum; she is a machine, for work. She has swept her childs heart clean of anger and revenge, even scorn for the wretch that sold himself for money. There was nothing else to sweep out, was there?bitterly,no friendships, such as weak women nurse and coddle into being,or love, that they live in, and die for sometimes, in a silly way?
Unmanly!
No, not unmanly. Margaret, let us be serious and calm. It is no time to trifle or wear masks. That has passed between us which leaves no room for sham courtesies.
There needs none,meeting his eye unflinchingly. I am ready to meet you and hear your farewell. Dr. Knowles told me your marriage was near at hand. I knew you would come, Stephen. You did before.
He winced,the more that her voice was so clear of pain.
Why should I come? To show you what sort of a heart I have sold for money? Why, you know, little Margaret. You can reckon up its deformity, its worthlessness, on your cool fingers. You could tell the serene and gracious lady who is chaffering for it what a bargain she has made,that there is not in it one spark of manly honor or true love. Dont venture too near it in your coldness and prudence. It has tiger passions I will not answer for. Give me your hand, and feel how it pants like a hungry fiend. It will have food, Margaret.
She drew away the hand he grasped, and stood back in the shadow.
What is it to me?in the same measured voice.
Holmes wiped the cold drops from his forehead, a sort of shudder in his powerful frame. He stood a moment looking into the fire, his head dropped on his arm.
Let it be so, he said at last, quietly. The worn old heart can gnaw on itself a little longer. I have no mind to whimper over pain.
Something that she saw on the dark sardonic face, as the red gleams lighted it, made her start convulsively, as if she would go to him; then controlling herself, she stood silent. He had not seen the movement,or, if he saw, did not heed it. He did not care to tame her now. The firelight flashed and darkened, the crackling wood breaking the dead silence of the room.
It does not matter, he said, raising his head, laying his arm over his strong chest unconsciously, as if to shut in all complaint. I had an idle fancy that it would be good on this Christmas night to bare the secrets of crime and selfishness hidden in here to you,to suffer your pure eyes to probe the sorest depths: I thought perhaps they would have a blessing power. It was an idle fancy. What is my want or crime to you?
The answer came slowly, but it did come.
Nothing to me.
She tried to meet the gaunt face looking down on her with a proud sadness,did meet it at last with her meek eyes.
No, nothing to you. There is no need that I should stay longer, is there? You made ready to meet me, and have gone through your part well.
It is no part. I speak Gods truth to you as I can.
I know. There is nothing more for us to say to each other In this world, then, except good-night. Wordspolite wordsare bitterer than death, sometimes. If ever we happen to meet, that courteous smile on your face will be enough to speakGods truth for you. Shall we say good-night now?
If you will.
She drew farther into the shadow, leaning on a chair.
He stopped, some sudden thought striking him.
I have a whim, he said, dreamily, that I would like to satisfy. It would be a trifle to you: will you grant it?for the sake of some old happy day, long ago?
She put her hand up to her throat; then it fell again.
Anything you wish, Stephen, she said, gravely.
Yes. Come nearer, then, and let me see what I have lost. A heart so cold and strong as yours need not fear inspection. I have a fancy to look into it, for the last time.
She stood motionless and silent.
Come,softly,there is no hurt in your heart that fears detection?
She came out into the full light, and stood before him, pushing back the hair from her forehead, that he might see every wrinkle, and the faded, lifeless eyes. It was a true womans motion, remembering even then to scorn deception. The light glowed brightly in her face, as the slow minutes ebbed without a sound: she only saw his face in shadow, with the fitful gleam of intolerable meaning in his eyes. Her own quailed and fell.
Does it hurt you that I should even look at you? he said, drawing back. Why, even the sainted dead suffer us to come near them after they have died to us,to touch their hands, to kiss their lips, to find what look they left in their faces for us. Be patient, for the sake of the old time. My whim is not satisfied yet.
I am patient.
Tell me something of yourself, to take with me when I go, for the last time. Shall I think of you as happy in these days?
I am contented,the words oozing from her white lips in the bitterness of truth. I asked God, that night, to show me my work; and I think He has shown it to me. I do not complain. It is a great work.