"I wish you to. Please. Such things are sometimes significant."
"Butis there any significance in what a few envious artists sayor a few silly models"
"More significance in what they say than in a whole chorus of professional critics."
"Are you serious?" she asked, astonished.
"Perfectly. Without naming anybody or betraying any confidence, what have you heard in criticism of my work? It's from models and brother painters that the real truth comesusually distorted, half told, maliciously hinted sometimesbut usually the germ of truth is to be found in what they say, however they may choose to say it."
Valerie leaned back against the door, hands clasped behind her, eyebrows bent slightly inward in an unwilling effort to remember.
Finally she said impatiently: "They don't know what they're talking about. They all say, substantially, the same thing"
"What is that thing?"
"Whyoh, it's too silly to repeatbut they say there is nothing lovable about your workthat it's inhumanly and coldly perfecttootoo" she flushed and laughed uncertainly"'too damn omniscient' is what one celebrated man said. And I could have boxed his large, thin, celebrated ears for him!"
"Go on," he nodded; "what else do they say?"
"Nothing. That's all they can find to sayall they dare say. You know what they arewhat other men areand some of the younger girls, too. Not that I don't like themand they are very sweet to meonly they're not like you"
"They're more human. Is that it, Valerie?"
"No, I don't mean that!"
"Yes, you do. You mean that the others take life in a perfectly human mannerfind enjoyment, amusement in each other, in a hundred things outside of their work. They act like men and women, not like a painting machine; if they experience impulses and emotions they don't entirely stifle 'em. They have time and leisure to foregather, laugh, be silly, discuss, banter, flirt, make love, and cut up all the various harmless capers that humanity is heir to. That's what you mean, but you don't realise it. And you think, and they think, that my solemn and owlish self-suppression is drying me up, squeezing out of me the essence of that warm, lovable humanity in which, they say, my work is deficient. They say, too, that my inspiration is lacking in that it is not founded on personal experience; that I have never known any deep emotion, any suffering, any of the sterner, darker regretsanything of that passion which I sometimes depict. They say that the personal and convincing element is totally absent because I have not lived"he laughed"and loved; that my work lacks the one thing which only the self-knowledge of great happiness and great pain can lend to it. AndI think they are right, Valerie. What do you think?"
The girl stood silent, with lowered eyes, reflecting for a moment. Then she looked up curiously.
"Have you never been very unhappy?"
"I had a toothache once."
She said, unsmiling: "Haven't you ever suffered mentally?"
"Nonot seriously. Oh, I've regretted little secret meannessesbad temper, jealousy"
"Nothing else? Have you never experienced deep unhappinessthrough death, for example?"
"No, thank God. My father and mother and sister are living. It is rather strange," he added, partly to himself, "that the usual troubles and sorrows have so far passed me by. I am twenty-seven; there has never been a death in my family, or among my intimate friends."
"Have you any intimate friends?"
"Wellperhaps notin the strict sense. I don't confide."
"Have you never cared, very much, for anybodyany woman?"
"Not sentimentally," he returned, laughing. "Do you think that a good course of modern flirtationa thorough schooling in the old-fashioned misfortunes of true love would inject into my canvases that elusively occult quality they're all howling for?"
She remained smilingly silent.
"Perhaps something less strenuous would do," he said, mischievously"a pretty amourette?just one of those gay, frivolous, Louis XV affairs with some daintily receptive girl, not really improper, but only ultra fashionable. Do you think that would help some, Valerie?"
She raised her eyes, still smiling, a little incredulous, very slightly embarrassed:
"I don't think your painting requires any such sacrifices of you, Mr. Neville. Are you going to take me somewhere to dinner? I'm dreadfully hungry."
"You poor little girl, of course I am. Besides, you must be suffering under the terrible suppression of that 'thorough talk' which you"
"It doesn't really require a thorough talk," she said; "I'll tell you now what I had to say. No, don't interrupt, please! I want toplease let meso that nothing will mar our enjoyment of each other and of the gay world around us when we are dining. It is this: Sometimesonce in a whileI become absurdly lonely, which makes me a fool, temporarily. Andwill you let me telephone you at such times?just to talk to youperhaps see you for a minute?"
"Of course. You know my telephone number. Call me up whenever you like."
"Could I see you at such moments? Ithere's asomea kind of sentiment about mewhen I'm very lonely; and I've been foolish enough to let one or two men see itin fact I've been rather indiscreetsillywith a manseveral mennow and then. A lonely girl is easily sympathised withand rather likes it; and is inclined to let herself go a little. I don't want to. And at times I've done it. Sam Ogilvy nearly kissed me, which really doesn't countdoes it? But I let Harry Annan do it, once. If I'm weak enough to drift into such silliness I'd better find a safeguard. I've been thinkingthinkingthat it really does originate in a sort of foolish loneliness not in anything worse. So I thought I'd have a thorough talk with you about it. I'm twenty-onewith all my experience of life and of men crowded into a single winter and spring. I have as friends only the few people I have met through you. I have nobody to see unless I see themnowhere to go unless I go where they ask me. So I thought I'd ask you to let me depend a little on you, sometimesas a refuge from isolation and morbid thinking now and then. And from other mischieffor which I apparently have a capacityto judge by what I've doneand what I've let men do already."
She laid her hand lightly on his arm in sudden and impulsive confidence:
"That's my 'thorough talk.' I haven't any one else to tell it to. And I've told you the worst." She smiled at him adorably: "And now I am ready to go out with you," she said,"go anywhere in the world with you, Kelly. And I am going to be perfectly happyif you are."
CHAPTER III
One day toward the middle of June Valerie did not arrive on time at the studio. She had never before been late.
About two o'clock Sam Ogilvy sauntered in, a skull pipe in his mouth, his hair rumpled:
"It's that damn mermaid of mine," he said, "can't you come up and look at her and tell me what's the trouble, Kelly?"
"Not now. Who's posing?"
"Rita. She's in a volatile humour, toofidgets; denies fidgeting; reproaches me for making her keep quiet; says I draw like a bum chimneyno wonder my work's rotten! Besides, she's in a tub of water, wearing that suit of fish-scales I had made for Violet Cliland, and she says it's too tight and she's tired of the job, anyway. Fancy my mental condition."
"Oh, she won't throw you down. Rita is a good sport," said Neville.
"I hope so. It's an important picture. Really, Kelly, it's great stuffa still, turquoise-tinted pool among wet rocks; ebb tide; a corking little mermaid caught in a pool left by the receding wavesall tones and subtle values," he declared, waving his arm.