Oh, well, it doesnt matter. I have it somewhere. He returned me the prepaid envelope, and reminded me that United States stamps were of no use in Canada, which of course I should have remembered. But he didnt pay the postage on his own letter, so that I had to fork out double. Still, I dont mind that, only as an indication of his meanness. He went on to say that, of all the members of our class, youyou!were the only one who had reflected credit on it. That was the insult. The idea of his making such a statement, when I had told him I was on the New York Argus! Credit to the class, indeed! I wonder if he ever heard of Brown after he was expelled. You know, of course. No? Well, Brown, by his own exertions, became president of the Alum Bank in New York, wrecked it, and got off to Canada with a clear half million. Yes, sir. I saw him in Quebec not six months ago. Keeps the finest span and carriage in the city, and lives in a palace. Could buy out old Scragmore a thousand times, and never feel it. Most liberal contributor to the cause of education that there is in Canada. He says education made him, and hes not a man to go back on education. And yet Scragmore has the cheek to say that you were the only man in the class who reflects credit on it!
The professor smiled quietly as the excited journalist took a cooling sip of the cobbler.
You see, Yates, peoples opinions differ. A man like Brown may not be Principal Scragmores ideal. The principal may be local in his ideals of a successful man, or of one who reflects credit on his teaching.
Local? You bet hes local. Too darned local for me. It would do that man good to live in New York for a year. But Im going to get even with him. Im going to write him up. Ill give him a column and a half; see if I dont. Ill get his photograph, and publish a newspaper portrait of him. If that doesnt make him quake, hes a cast-iron man. Say, you havent a photograph of old Scrag that you can lend me, have you?
I have; but I wont lend it for such a purpose. However, never mind the principal. Tell me your plans. I am at your disposal for a couple of weeks, or longer if necessary.
Good boy! Well, Ill tell you how it is. I want rest and quiet, and the woods, for a week or two. This is how it happened: I have been steadily at the grindstone, except for a while in the hospital; and that, you will admit, is not much of a vacation. The work interests me, and I am always in the thick of it. Now, its like this in the newspaper business: Your chief is never the person to suggest that you take a vacation. He is usually short of men and long on things to do, so if you dont worry him into letting you off, he wont lose any sleep over it. Hes content to let well enough alone every time. Then there is always somebody who wants to get away on pressing business,grandmothers funeral, and that sort of thing,so if a fellow is content to work right along, his chief is quite content to let him. Thats the way affairs have gone for years with me. The other week I went over to Washington to interview a senator on the political prospects. I tell you what it is, Stilly, without bragging, there are some big men in the States whom no one but me can interview. And yet old Scrag says Im no credit to his class! Why, last year my political predictions were telegraphed all over this country, and have since appeared in the European press. No credit! By Jove, I would like to have old Scrag in a twenty-four-foot ring, with thin gloves on, for about ten minutes!
I doubt if he would shine under those circumstances. But never mind him. He spoke, for once, without due reflection, and with perhaps an exaggerated remembrance of your school-day offenses. What happened when you went to Washington?
A strange thing happened. When I was admitted to the senators library, I saw another fellow, whom I thought I knew, sitting there. I said to the senator: I will come when you are alone. The senator looked up in surprise, and said: I am alone. I didnt say anything, but went on with my interview; and the other fellow took notes all the time. I didnt like this, but said nothing, for the senator is not a man to offend, and it is by not offending these fellows that I can get the information I do. Well, the other fellow came out with me, and as I looked at him I saw that he was myself. This did not strike me as strange at the time, but I argued with him all the way to New York, and tried to show him that he wasnt treating me fairly. I wrote up the interview, with the other fellow interfering all the while, so I compromised, and half the time put in what he suggested, and half the time what I wanted in myself. When the political editor went over the stuff, he looked alarmed. I told him frankly just how I had been interfered with, and he looked none the less alarmed when I had finished. He sent at once for a doctor. The doctor metaphorically took me to pieces, and then said to my chief: This man is simply worked to death. He must have a vacation, and a real one, with absolutely nothing to think of, or he is going to collapse, and that with a suddenness which will surprise everybody. The chief, to my astonishment, consented without a murmur, and even upbraided me for not going away sooner. Then the doctor said to me: You get some companionsome man with no brains, if possible, who will not discuss politics, who has no opinion on anything that any sane man would care to talk about, and who couldnt say a bright thing if he tried for a year. Get such a man to go off to the woods somewhere. Up in Maine or in Canada. As far away from post offices and telegraph offices as possible. And, by the way, dont leave your address at the Argus office. Thus it happened, Stilly, when he described this man so graphically, I at once thought of you.
I am deeply gratified, I am sure, said the professor, with the ghost of a smile, to be so promptly remembered in such a connection, and if I can be of service to you, I shall be very glad. I take it, then, that you have no intention of stopping in Buffalo?
You bet I havent. Im in for the forest primeval, the murmuring pines and the hemlock, bearded with moss and green in the something or otherI forget the rest. I want to quit lying on paper, and lie on my back instead, on the sward or in a hammock. Im going to avoid all boarding houses or delightful summer resorts, and go in for the quiet of the forest.
There ought to be some nice places along the lake shore.
No, sir. No lake shore for me. It would remind me of the Lake Shore Railroad when it was calm, and of Long Branch when it was rough. No, sir. The woods, the woods, and the woods. I have hired a tent and a lot of cooking things. Im going to take that tent over to Canada to-morrow; and then I propose we engage a man with a team to cart it somewhere into the woods, fifteen or twenty miles away. We shall have to be near a farmhouse, so that we can get fresh butter, milk, and eggs. This, of course, is a disadvantage; but I shall try to get near someone who has never even heard of New York.
You may find that somewhat difficult.
Oh, I dont know. I have great hopes of the lack of intelligence in the Canadians.
Often the narrowest, said the professor slowly, are those who think themselves the most cosmopolitan.
Right you are, cried Yates, skimming lightly over the remark, and seeing nothing applicable to his case in it. Well, Ive laid in about half a ton, more or less, of tobacco, and have bought an empty jug.
An empty one?