Jemima, Jemima, dish up! do you hear, Jemima?
Yes, marm, replied the cook, directly Ive thickened the butter; and Mrs Handycock resumed her seat, with:
Well, Mr Simple, and how is your grandfather, Lord Privilege?
He is quite well, maam, answered I, for the fifteenth time at least. But dinner put an end to the silence which followed this remark. Mr Handycock walked downstairs, leaving his wife and me to follow at our leisure.
Pray, maam, inquired I, as soon as he was out of hearing, what is the matter with Mr Handycock, that he is so cross to you?
Vy, my dear, it is one of the misfortunes of matermony, that ven the husbands put out, the vife is sure to have her share of it.
Are you people coming down to dinner? roared Mr Handycock from below. Yes, my dear, replied the lady; I thought that you were washing your hands. We descended into the dining-room, where we found that Mr Handycock had already devoured two of the whitings, leaving only one on the dish for his wife and me. Vould you like a little bit of viting, my dear? said the lady to me. Its not worth halving, observed the gentleman, in a surly tone, taking up the fish with his own knife and fork, and putting it on his plate.
Well, Im so glad you like them, my dear, replied the lady meekly; then turning to me, theres some nice roast weal coming, my dear.
The veal made its appearance, and fortunately for us Mr Handycock could not devour it all. He took the lions share, nevertheless, cutting off all the brown, and then shoving the dish over to his wife to help herself and me.
After dinner, Mr Handycock went down to the cellar for a bottle of wine. O deary me! exclaimed his wife, he must have lost a mint of moneywe had better go upstairs and leave him alone; hell be better after a bottle of port, perhaps. I was very glad to go away, and being very tired, I went to bed without any tea, for Mrs Handycock dared not venture to make it before her husband came upstairs.
Chapter Two
Fitting out on the shortest noticeFortunately for me this day Mr Handycock is not a bear, and I fare very wellI set off for PortsmouthBehind the coach I meet a man before the mastHe is disguised with liquor, but is not the only disguise I fall in with in my journey
The next morning Mr Handycock appeared to be in somewhat better humour. One of the linendrapers who fitted out cadets, etcetera, on the shortest notice, was sent for, and orders given for my equipment, which Mr Handycock insisted should be ready on the day afterwards, or the articles would be left on his hands; adding, that my place was already taken in the Portsmouth coach.
The man made his promise, took my measure, and departed; and soon afterwards Mr Handycock also quitted the house.
At four oclock Mr Handycock rapped at the door, and was let inbut not by me. He ascended the stairs with three bounds, and coming into the parlour, cried, Well, Nancy, my love, how are you? Then stooping over her, Give me a kiss, old girl. Im as hungry as a hunter. Mr Simple, how do you do? I hope you have passed the morning agreeably. I must wash my hands and change my boots, my love; I am not fit to sit down to table with you in this pickle. Well, Polly, how are you?
Im glad youre hungry, my dear, Ive such a nice dinner for you, replied the wife, all smiles. Jemima, be quick, and dish upMr Handycock is so hungry.
Yes, marm, replied the cook; and Mrs Handycock followed her husband into his bedroom on the same floor, to assist him at his toilet.
By Jove, Nancy, the bulls have been nicely taken in, said Mr Handycock, as we sat down to dinner.
O I am so glad! replied his wife, giggling; and so I believe she was, but why I did not understand.
We both had our share to-day, and I never saw a man more polite than Mr Handycock. He joked with his wife, asked me to drink wine with him two or three times, talked about my grandfather; and, in short, we had a very pleasant evening.
The next morning all my clothes came home, but Mr Handycock, who still continued in good humour, said that he would not allow me to travel by night, that I should sleep there and set off the next morning; which I did at six oclock, and before eight I had arrived at the Elephant and Castle, where we stopped for a quarter of an hour. I observed a crowd assembled at the corner; and asking a gentleman who sat by me in a plaid cloak, whether there was not something very uncommon to attract so many people, he replied, Not very, for it is only a drunken sailor.
I rose from my seat, which was on the hinder part of the coach, that I might see him, for it was a new sight to me, and excited my curiosity; when, to my astonishment, he staggered from the crowd, and swore that hed go to Portsmouth. He climbed up by the wheel of the coach and sat down by me. I believe that I stared at him very much, for he said to me, What are you gaping at, you young sculping? Do you want to catch flies? or did you never see a chap half seas over before?
I replied, that I had never been at sea in my life, but that I was going.
Well then, youre like a young bear, all your sorrows to comethats all, my hearty, replied he. When you get on board, youll find monkeys allowancemore kicks than half-pence. I say, you pewter-carrier, bring us another pint of ale.
The waiter of the inn, who was attending the coach, brought out the ale, half of which the sailor drank, and the other half threw into the waiters face, telling him, that was his allowance; and now, said he, whats to pay? The waiter, who looked very angry, but appeared too much afraid of the sailor to say anything, answered fourpence; and the sailor pulled out a handful of bank-notes, mixed up with gold, silver, and coppers, and was picking out the money to pay for his beer, when the coachman, who was impatient, drove off.
Theres cut and run, cried the sailor, thrusting all the money into his breeches pocket. Thats what youll learn to do, my joker, before you have been two cruises to sea.
In the meantime the gentleman in the plaid cloak, who was seated by me, smoked his cigar without saying a word. I commenced a conversation with him relative to my profession, and asked him whether it was not very difficult to learn. Larn, cried the sailor, interrupting us, no, it may be difficult for such chaps as me before the mast to larn, but you, I presume, is a reefer, and they ant got much to larn, cause why, they pipe-clays their weekly accounts, and walks up and down with their hands in their pockets. You must larn to chaw baccy, drink grog, and call the cat a beggar, and then you knows all a midshipmans expected to know now-a-days. Arnt I right, sir? said the sailor, appealing to the gentleman in a plaid cloak. I axes you, because I see youre a sailor by the cut of your jib. Beg pardon, sir, continued he, touching his hat, hope no offence.
I am afraid that you have nearly hit the mark, my good fellow, replied the gentleman.
Whenever the coach stopped, the sailor called for more ale, and always threw the remainder which he could not drink into the face of the man who brought it out for him, just as the coach was starting off, and then tossed the pewter pot on the ground for him to pick up. He became more tipsy every stage, and the last from Portsmouth, when he pulled out his money he could find no silver, so he handed down a note, and desired the waiter to change it. The waiter crumpled it up and put it into his pocket, and then returned the sailor the change for a one-pound note: but the gentleman in the plaid had observed that it was a five-pound note which the sailor had given, and insisted upon the waiter producing it, and giving the proper change. The sailor took his money, which the waiter handed to him, begging pardon for the mistake, although he coloured up very much at being detected. I really beg your pardon, said he again, it was quite a mistake: whereupon the sailor threw the pewter pot at the waiter, saying I really beg your pardon too,and with such force, that it flattened upon the mans head, who fell senseless on the road. The coachman drove off, and I never heard whether the man was killed or not.