What preparations?55 she asked, walking to the window.
I dont exactly know. She wishes me to see her lawyer. Unfortunately, he added in a joking tone, you are not one of those girls whose marriage is a simple matter of the ceremony.
She turned and came towards him, her hands hanging clasped before her.
That is something I have to speak of. I cannot mention it to Mrs. Clarendon, and if I tell you now it will be done with. I desire that there shall be no kind of settlement. Nothing of the kind is enacted by the will, and I do not wish it. Will you please to see that my wish is respected?
Why is it your wish?
I can give no reason. I wish it.
I imagine there will be very strong opposition, and not only from Mrs. Clarendon. I expect the trustees will have something to say.
Adas eyes flashed; her whole face showed agitation, passionate impatience.
What does it matter what they say? she exclaimed. What are they to me? What is my future to them? If you refuse to give me an assurance that my one desire shall be respected I must turn to Mrs. Clarendon, and that will be hateful to me! I have asked nothing else; but this I wish.
You put as much persistence into it as another would in pleading for exactly the opposite, remarked Lacour, his coolness contrasting strangely with her agitated vehemence. You know that a wish of yours is a law to me, and I promise you to agree to nothing you would dislike; remember that they cannot do without my assent. But you see, he added, that it is not a very easy thing for me to urge. I have already been made to feel quite sufficiently
He interrupted himself. Ada waited for him to resume, still standing before him, but he kept silence.
What have you been made to feel? she asked, more quietly, her eyes searchingly fixed on him.
Well, we wont speak of that. Why do you stand? Come and let us talk of other things. You do indeed, Ada, look wretchedly ill.
She averted her face impatiently. Though he had risen and was placing a chair for her, she moved to the window again.
For my own part, said Vincent, watching her, I am grieved that you have set your mind on that. My own resolve was that everything should be settled on you. I hadnt given the matter a thought till just lately, but well, that is what I had determined.
Ada turned in his direction.
You have been corresponding with Mrs. Clarendon? she said, only half interruptedly. Yes, you told me. I understand.
What she understood was clear enough to Lacour, and his silence was filled with a rather vigorous inward debate. A protest of consciencestrengthened by prudential reasonsurged his next words.
You mustnt let me convey a false impression. Mrs. Clarendon is delicacy itself; I am quite sure she would not mean
He checked himself, naturally confirming the false impression. Conscience had still a voice, but the resolve with which he had come into Adas presence grew stronger as he talked with her.
Then she did a curious thing. Coming from the window, she seemed about to walk past him, but, instead of passing, paused just when her dress almost brushed his feet, and stood with her eyes fixed on the ground.
Do sit down. Lacour forced himself to say, rising again and laying his hand on the other chair.
He saw that she trembled; then, with a quick movement, she went to a chair at a greater distance.
These things are horribly awkward to talk about, he said, leaning forward at his ease. Lets put them aside, shall we? We shall have plenty of time to consider all that.
Ada raised her face and looked at him.
Plenty of time?
Surely. I have begged Mrs. Clarendon to remember how anxious we both are to do nothing hastily, to leave her ample time for the arrangements she will find necessary,her own, I mean. I am sure I represented your wish?
Certainly, was the scarcely audible reply.
It will of course be some time before she is perfectly strong, Vincent pursued, noting with much satisfaction what he deemed a proof of the strength of her passion for him; she was so clearly disappointed. Such an illness must have pulled her down seriously. I should think by the summer she will be herself again. It is wretched that we are so utterly dependent on others, and are bound to act with such cautious regard.
You have fixed the summer, in your correspondence with her?
Oh no! I leave it quite open. But we cannot, of course, wait for ever.
Ada sat motionless, her hands in her lap. Her features were fixed in hard, blank misery. No wonder the girl looked ill. Ever since the day on which she wrote to Lacour her acceptance of his offer, life had been to her a mere battle of passions. When time and the events which so rapidly succeeded had dulled the memory of that frenzy which drove her to the step, of set purpose she nursed all the dark and resentful instincts of her nature, that they might support her to the end. Pride was an ally; if it cost her her life she would betray by no sign the suffering she had brought upon herself. She blinded her feelings, strove to crush her heart when it revolted against her self-imposed deception that she loved this man who would become her husband. Had she not found a pleasure in his society? Did not his attentions flatter and even move her? And ever she heard a voice saying that he cared nothing for her, that she had a face which could attract no man, that her money alone drew him to her, and that voice was always Mrs. Clarendons. Hatred of Isabel was in moments almost madness. It seemed in some horribly unnatural way to be increased by the sight of the pale and suffering face; a wretched perversion poisoned the sympathy which showed itself in many an act of kindness. The struggle with her better nature brought her at times near to delirium. When Isabels convalescence began, Ada counted the days. She knew that Lacour would not postpone their marriage an hour later than necessity demanded; her strength would surely hold out a few more weeks. That he did not come to see her was at once a relief and a source of bitterness; his letters she read with a mixture of eagerness and cold criticism. She stirred herself to factitious passion, excited all the glowing instincts, all the dormant ardours, of her beingand shivered before the flame. Every motive that could render marriage desirable she dwelt upon till it should become part of her hourly consciousness. The life she would lead when marriage had given her freedom was her constant forethought. She was made for enjoyment, and would enjoy. For her should exist no petty social rules, no conventional hypocrisies. In London her house should be a gathering-place of Bohemians. She herself did not lack brains, and her wealth would bring people about her. She would be a patroness of art and letters, would make friends of actresses who needed helping to opportunities of success, of artists who were struggling against unmerited neglect. Reading had filled her mind with images of such a world; was it not better than that dull sphere which styled itself exclusive?.... When at length Mrs. Clarendon left Knightswell to go to the Strattons, Ada promised herself that any morning might bring a definite proposal of a day for her wedding. With difficulty she restrained herself from asking when it was to be. She had put aside every doubt, every fear, every regret; her life burned towards that day which would complete her purpose. And now....
But we must see each other oftener, Lacour was saying. If Mrs. Clarendon will welcome me
She interrupted him harshly.
Is Mrs. Clarendon the only person you consult henceforth?