That was an eminently proper question, I put in, just to show that while the story I was hearing terrified me, I was not altogether speechless.
It was, indeed, said 5010; and Hawley recognized it as such, for he replied at once.
Neither, said he. Your imagination is all right, and New York is neither heaven nor the other place. The fact is, Im spooking, and I can tell you, Austin, its just about the finest kind of work there is. If you could manage to shuffle off your mortal coil and get in with a lot of ghosts, the way I have, youd be playing in great luck.
Thanks for the hint, Hawley, I said, with a grateful smile; but, to tell you the truth, I do not find that life is entirely bad. I get my three meals a day, keep my pocket full of coin, and sleep eight hours every night on a couch that couldnt be more desirable if it were studded with jewels and had mineral springs.
Thats your mortal ignorance, Austin, he retorted. I lived long enough to appreciate the necessity of being ignorant, but your style of existence is really not to be mentioned in the same cycle with mine. You talk about three meals a day, as if that were an ideal; you forget that with the eating your labor is just begun; those meals have to be digested, every one of em, and if you could only understand it, it would appall you to see what a fearful wear and tear that act of digestion is. In my life you are feasting all the time, but with no need for digestion. You speak of money in your pockets; well, I have none, yet am I the richer of the two. I dont need money. The world is mine. If I chose to I could pour the contents of that jewellers window into your lap in five seconds, but cui bono? The gems delight my eye quite as well where they are; and as for travel, Austin, of which you have always been fond, the spectral method beats all. Just watch me!
I watched him as well as I could for a minute, said 5010; and then he disappeared. In another minute he was before me again.
Well, I said, I suppose youve been around the block in that time, eh?
He roared with laughter. Around the block? he ejaculated. I have done the Continent of Europe, taken a run through China, haunted the Emperor of Japan, and sailed around the Horn since I left you a minute ago.
He was a truthful boy in spite of his peculiarities, Hawley was, said Surrennes, quietly, so I had to believe what he said. He abhorred lies.
That was pretty fast travelling, though, said I. Hed make a fine messenger-boy.
Thats so. I wish Id suggested it to him, smiled my host. But I can tell you, sir, I was astonished. Hawley, I said, you always were a fast youth, but I never thought you would develop into this. I wonder youre not out of breath after such a journey.
Another point, my dear Austin, in favor of my mode of existence. We spooks have no breath to begin with. Consequently, to get out of it is no deprivation. But, I say, he added, whither are you bound?
To Coney Island to see the sights, I replied. Wont you join me?
Not I, he replied. Coney Island is tame. When I first joined the spectre band, it seemed to me that nothing could delight me more than an eternal round of gayety like that; but, Austin, I have changed. I have developed a good deal since you and I were parted at the grave.
I should say you had, I answered. I doubt if many of your old friends would know you.
You seem to have had difficulty in so doing yourself, Austin, he replied, regretfully; but see here, old chap, give up Coney Island, and spend the evening with me at the club. Youll have a good time, I can assure you.
The club? I said. You dont mean to say you visions have a club?
I do indeed; the Ghost Club is the most flourishing association of choice spirits in the world. We have rooms in every city in creation; and the finest part of it is there are no dues to be paid. The membership list holds some of the finest names in history Shakespeare, Milton, Chaucer, Napoleon Bonaparte, Caesar, George Washington, Mozart, Frederick the Great, Marc Antony Cassius was black-balled on Caesars account Galileo, Confucius.
You admit the Chinese, eh? I queried.
Not always, he replied. But Con was such a good fellow they hadnt the heart to keep him out; but you see, Austin, what a lot of fine fellows there are in it.
Yes, its a magnificent list, and I should say they made a pretty interesting set of fellows to hear talk, I put in.
Well, rather, Hawley replied. I wish you could have heard a debate between Shakespeare and Caesar on the resolution, The Pen is mightier than the Sword; it was immense.
I should think it might have been, I said. Which won?
The sword party. They were the best fighters; though on the merits of the argument Shakespeare was way ahead.
If I thought Id stand a chance of seeing spooks like that, I think Id give up Coney Island and go with you, I said.
Well, replied Hawley, thats just the kind of a chance you do stand. Theyll all be there to-night, and as this is ladies day, you might meet Lucretia Borgia, Cleopatra, and a few other feminine apparitions of considerable note.