Дорис Лессинг - Briefing for a Descent into Hell стр 2.

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Nothing from Police. No reports of any small boats yachts or swimmers unaccounted for. Patient continues talking aloud, singing, swinging back and forth in bed. He is excessively fatigued. Tomorrow: Sodium Amytal. I suggest a weeks narcosis.

DOCTOR Y. 17TH AUGUST.



I disagree. Suggest shock therapy.

I disagree. Suggest shock therapy.

DOCTOR X. 18TH AUGUST.



Very hot. The current is swinging and rocking. Very fast. It is so hot that the water is melting. The water is thinner than usual, therefore a thin fast rocking. Like heat-waves. The shimmer is strong. Light. Different textures of light. There is the light we know. That is, the ordinary light lets say of a day with cloud. Then, sunlight, which is a yellow dance added to the first. Then the sparkling waves of heat, heat waves, making light when light makes them. Then, the inner light, the fast shimmer, like a suspended snow in the air. Shimmer even at night when no moon or sun and no light. The shimmer of the solar wind. Yes, thats it. Oh solar wind, blow blow blow my love to me. It is very hot. The salt has caked my face. If I rub, Ill scrub my face with pure sea salt. Im becalmed, on a light, lit, rocking, deliriously delightful sea, for the water has gone thin and slippery in the heat, light water instead of heavy water. I need a wind. Oh solar wind, wind of the sun. Sun. At the end of Ghosts he said the Sun, the Sun, the Sun, the Sun, and at the end of When we Dead Awaken, the Sun, into the arms of the Sun via the solar wind, around, around, around, around 

Patient very disturbed. Asked his name: Jason. He is on a raft in the Atlantic. Three caps. Sodium Amytal tonight. Will see him tomorrow.

DOCTOR Y.


DOCTOR Y:

Did you sleep well?


PATIENT:

I keep dropping off, but I mustnt, I must not.


DOCTOR Y:

But why not? I want you to.


PATIENT:

Id slide off into the deep sea swells.


DOCTOR Y:

No you wont. Thats a very comfortable bed, and youre in a nice quiet room.


PATIENT:

Bed of the sea. Deep sea bed.


DOCTOR Y:

You arent on a raft. You arent on the sea. You arent a sailor.


PATIENT:

Im not a sailor?


DOCTOR Y:

You are in Central Intake Hospital, in bed, being looked after. You must rest. We want you to sleep.


PATIENT:

If I sleep Ill die.


DOCTOR Y:

Whats your name? Will you tell me?


PATIENT:

Jonah.


DOCTOR Y:

Yesterday it was Jason. You cant be either, you know.


PATIENT:

We are all sailors.


DOCTOR Y:

I am not. Im a doctor in this hospital.


PATIENT:

If Im not a sailor, then you arent a doctor.


DOCTOR Y:

Very well. But you are making yourself very tired, rocking about like that. Lie down. Take a rest. Try not to talk so much.


PATIENT:

Im not talking to you, am I? Around and around and around and around and around and around

and around and around and around and around and around and around and 



NURSE:

You must be feeling giddy. Youve been going around and around and around for hours now, did you know that?


PATIENT:

Hours?


NURSE:

Ive been on duty since eight, and every time I drop in to see you, you are going round and round.


PATIENT:

The duty watch.


NURSE:

Around and around what? Where? There now, turn over.


PATIENT:

Its very hot. Im not far away from the Equator.


NURSE:

Youre still on the raft then?


PATIENT:

You

arent!


NURSE:

I cant say that I am.


PATIENT:

Then how can you be talking to me?


NURSE:

Do try to lie easy. We dont want you to get so terribly tired. Were worried about you, do you know that?


PATIENT:

Well, it is in your hands, isnt it?


NURSE:

My hands? How is that?


PATIENT:

You

You said

We

I know that We. It is the categorical collective. It would be so easy for you to do it.


NURSE:

But what do you want me to do?


PATIENT:

You

as

we

Not you as

you

Lift me, lift me, lift me. It must be easy enough for you. Obviously.

Just use your force, or whatever it is. Blast me there.


NURSE:

Where to?


PATIENT:

You know very well. Tip me South with your white wing.


NURSE:

My white wing! I like the sound of that.


PATIENT:

You cant be one of them. If you were, youd know. You are tricking me.


NURSE:

Im sorry that you think that.


PATIENT:

Or perhaps youre testing me. Yes, thats a possibility.


NURSE:

Perhaps that is it.


PATIENT:

Its just a question of getting out of the North Equatorial Current into the South Equatorial Current, from clockwise to anticlockwise. The wise anticlocks.


NURSE:

I see.


PATIENT:

Well, why dont you?


NURSE:

I dont know how.


PATIENT:

Is it a question of some sort of a password? Who was that man who was here yesterday?


NURSE:

Do you mean Doctor Y? He was in to see you.


PATIENT:

Hes behind this. He knows. A very kindly contumacious man.


NURSE:

Hes kind. But I wouldnt say contumacious.


PATIENT:

I say it, so why shouldnt you?


NURSE:

And Doctor X was in the day before that.


PATIENT:

I dont remember any Doctor X.


NURSE:

Doctor X will be in later this afternoon.


PATIENT:

In what?


NURSE:

Do try and lie still. Try and sleep.


PATIENT:

If I do, Im dead and done for. Surely you must know that, or you arent a maid mariner.


NURSE:

Im Alice Kincaid. I told you that before. Do you remember? The night you came in?


PATIENT:

Whatever your name, if you sleep you die.


NURSE:

Well, never mind, hush. There, poor thing, you are in a state. Just lie and there, there. Shhhhh, hush. No, lie still. Shhh  there, thats it, thats it, sleep. Sleeeeeeeep. Sle-e-ep.

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