Francis Beaumont - Beaumont & Fletchers Works (2 of 10) – the Humourous Lieutenant

Francis Beaumont

Beaumont & Fletcher's Works (2 of 10) – the Humourous Lieutenant

Persons Represented in the Play

King Antigonus, an old Man with young desires.

Demetrius, Son to Antigonus, in love with Celia.

Seleucus, Lysimachus, Ptolomie, Three Kings equal sharers with

Antigonus of what Alexander had, with united powers opposing

Antigonus.

Leontius, a brave old merry Souldier, assistant to Demetrius.

Timon, Charinthus, Menippus, Servants to Antigonus, and his vices.

The Humourous Lieutenant.

Gentlemen, Friends and followers of Demetrius.

_3 Embassadors, from the three Kings.

Gentlemen-Ushers._

Grooms.

Citizens.

Physicians.

Herald.

Magician.

Souldiers.

Host.

WOMEN.

Celia alias E[n]anthe, Daughter to Seleucus, Mistris to Demetrius.

Leucippe, a Bawd, Agent for the King's lust.

Ladies.

Citizens Wives.

Governesse to Celia.

A Country-Woman.

Phoebe, her Daughter.

2 Servants of the game.

The Scene Greece.

The principal Actors were,

Henry Condel. John Lowin. Richard Sharpe. Robert Benfeild. Joseph Taylor. William Eglestone. John Underwood. Thomas Polard.

ACTUS PRIMUS. SCENA PRIMA

1 Usher. Round, round, perfume it round, quick, look ye Diligently the state be right, are these the richest Cushions? Fie, fie, who waits i'th' wardrobe?

2 Ush. But pray tell me, do you think for certain These Embassadours shall have this morning audience?

1 Ush. They shall have it: Lord that you live at Court And understand not! I tell you they must have it.

2 Ush. Upon what necessity?

1 Ush. Still you are out of the trick of Court, sell your place,

1 Ush. Why, whither would ye all press?

1 Cit. Good Master Usher.

2 Cit. My wife, and some few of my honest neighbours, here.

1 Ush. Prethee begone thou and thy honest Neighbours, Thou lookst like an Ass, why, whither would you fish face?

1 Ush. A – upon thee.

2 Cit. Some Musick I'le assure you too, My toy, Sir, can play o'th' Virginals.

1 Ush. What's your business? Who keeps the outward door there? here's fine shuffling, You wastcoateer you must go back.

1 Ush. Death, she is mad.

Cel. And were yourself an honest man? it cannot—

1 Ush. What a Devil hast thou to do with me or my honesty? Will you be jogging, good nimble tongue, My fellow door-keeper.

2 Ush. Prethee let her alone,

1 Ush. The King is coming, And shall we have an agent from the Suburbs Come to crave audience too?

1 Ush. What's that?

2 Ush. You must be modester.

2 Ush. A perillous wench.

1 Ush. Thrust her into a corner, I'le no more on her.

2 Ush. You have enough, go pretty Maid, stand close, And use that little tongue, with a little more temper.

Cel. I thank ye, Sir.

Cel. O very merry.

2 Ush. Only our selves; this churlish fellow shall not know.

Cel. By no means.

2 Ush. And can you love a little?

Cel. Love exceedingly: I have cause to love you, dear Sir.

Cel. Yes marry will I.

2 Ush. And't shall go hard but I'le send ye a Venison Pasty, And bring a bottle of wine along.

1 Ush. Make room there,

2 Ush. Room there afore; stand close, the train is coming.

Cel. Have I yet left a beauty to catch fools? Yet, yet, I see him not. O what a misery Is love, expected long, deluded longer!

Ant. Conduct in the Embassadors.

1 Ush. Make room there.

Ant. They shall not wait long answer— [Flourish.

Cle. Yet he comes not.

3 Em. Choose which you will, or Peace or War, We come prepar'd for either.

Cel. What a brave confidence flows from his spirit! O sweet young man!

Dem. I know this week ye have not; I will redeem all. You are so tender now; think where you are, sweet.

Cel. What other light have I left?

Dem. Prethee Celia, Indeed I'le see you presently.

Cel. I have done, Sir: You will not miss?

Dem. By this, and this, I will not.

Cel. 'Tis in your will and I must be obedient.

Dem. No more of these assemblies.

Cel. I am commanded.

1 Ush. Room for the Lady there: Madam, my service—

1 Gent. My Coach an't please you Lady.

2 Ush. Room before there.

2 Gent. The honour, Madam, but to wait upon you— My servants and my state.

Dem. War, War, my noble Father.

1 Em. Thus I fling it: And fair ey'd peace, farewel.

Ant. You have your answer; Conduct out the Embassadours, and give 'em Convoyes.

3 Em. You will find so hot a Souldier's welcome, Sir, Your favour shall not freeze.

2 Em. A forward Gentleman, Pity the Wars should bruise such hopes—

2 Gent. Never till life leave us, Sir.

Ant. O Leontius, Here's work for you in hand.

Leon. I am ev'n right glad, Sir. For by my troth, I am now grown old with idleness; I hear we shall abroad, Sir.

Ant. Yes, and presently, But who think you commands now?

Leo. Your grace hath made me young again, and wanton.

Ant. She must be known and suddenly: Do ye know her? [to Minippus.

Gent. Char. No, believe Sir.

Ant. Did you observe her, Timon?

Tim. I look'd on her, But what she is—

Ant. I must have that found. Come in and take your leave.

Tim. And some few Prayers along.

Dem. I know my duty, [Exit Ant. You shall be half my Father.

Leo. All your Servant: Come Gentlemen, you are resolv'd I am sure To see these wars.

1 Gent. We dare not leave his fortunes, Though most assur'd death hung round about us.

Gen. We'l attend Sir.

Leo. But I beseech your Grace, with speed; the sooner We are i'th' field.—

Dem. You could not please me better. [Exit.

Leo. You never saw the wars yet?

Gent. Not yet Colonel.

Lieu. Oh Sir, as ill as ever; We shall have wars they say; they are mustring yonder: Would we were at it once: fie, how it plagues me.

Leo. Here's one has served now under Captain Cupid, And crackt a Pike in's youth: you see what's come on't.

Lieu. No, my disease will never prove so honourable.

Leo. Why sure, thou hast the best pox.

Lieu. If I have 'em, I am sure I got 'em in the best company; They are pox of thirty Coats.

Gent. 'Tis strange he should do all this, and diseas'd so.

Leo. I am sure 'tis true: Lieutenant, canst thou drink well?

Lieu. Would I were drunk, dog-drunk, I might not feel this backward?

Gent. I would take Physick.

Lieu. But I would know my disease first.

Leon. Why? it may be the Colique: canst thou blow

Lieu. There's never a bag-pipe in the Kingdom better.

Gent. Is't not a pleuresie?

Lieu. 'Tis any thing That has the Devil, and death in't: will ye march Gentlemen? The Prince has taken leave.

Leo. How know ye that?

Leo. Let's away Gentlemen, For sure the Prince will stay on us.

Gent. We'l attend Sir. [Exeunt.

SCENA II

Cel. Must ye needs go?

Dem. Or stay with all dishonour.

Cel. Are there not men enough to fight?

Dem. Fie Celia. This ill becomes the noble love you bear me; Would you have your love a coward?

Cel. No; believe Sir, I would have him fight, but not so far off from me.

Dem. Wouldst have it thus? or thus?

Cel. If that be fighting—

Dem. Ye wanton fool: when I come home again I'le fight with thee, at thine own weapon Celia, And conquer thee too.

Cel. That you have done already, You need no other Arms to me, but these Sir; But will you fight your self Sir?

Dem. Thus deep in bloud wench, And through the thickest ranks of Pikes.

Cel. Spur bravely Your firie Courser, beat the troops before ye, And cramb the mouth of death with executions.

Dem. I would do more than these: But prethee tell me, Tell me my fair, where got'st thou this male Spirit? I wonder at thy mind.

Cel. Were I a man then, You would wonder more.

Dem. Sure thou wouldst prove a Souldier, And some great Leader.

Cel. Sure I should do somewhat; And the first thing I did, I should grow envious, Extreamly envious of your youth, and honour.