I asked her some questions about the cascade, which had been out of order, and lately mended; and expressed a curiosity to see how it played, in order to induce her [how cunning to cheat myself, as it proved!] to go thither, if she found me not where she left me; it being a part of the garden most distant from the ivy summer-house.
She could hardly have got into the house when I heard the first signalO how my heart fluttered!but no time was to be lost. I stept to the garden-door; and seeing a clear coast, unbolted the already-unlocked doorand there was he, all impatience, waiting for me.
A panic next to fainting seized me when I saw him. My heart seemed convulsed; and I trembled so, that I should hardly have kept my feet, had he not supported me.
Fear nothing, dearest creature, said helet us hasten awaythe chariot is at handand, by this sweet condescension, you have obliged me beyond expression or return.
Recovering my spirits a little, as he kept drawing me after him, O Mr. Lovelace, said I, I cannot go with youindeed I cannotI wrote you word solet go my hand, and you shall see my letter. It is lain there from yesterday morning, till within this half-hour. I bid you watch to the last for a letter from me, lest I should be obliged to revoke the appointment; and, had you followed the direction, you would have found it.
I have been watched, my dearest life, said he, half out of breathI have been watched in every step I took: and my trusty servant has been watched too, ever since Saturday; and dared not to come near your wall. And here we shall be discovered in a moment.Speed away, my charmerthis is the moment of your deliveranceif you neglect this opportunity, you can never have such another.
What is it you mean, Sir?Let go my hand: for I tell you [struggling vehemently] that I will sooner die than go with you.
Good God! said he, with a look of wildness and surprise, what is it I hear?But [still drawing me after him, as he retreated farther from the door] it is no time to argueby all that's good you must gosurely you cannot doubt my honour, nor give me cause to question your own.
As you value me, Mr. Lovelace, urge me no farther. I come fixed and resolved. Let me give you the letter I have written. My further reasons shall follow; and they will convince you that I ought not to go.
Nothing, Madam, can convince meby all that's sacred, I will not leave you. To leave you now, would be to lose you for ever
Am I to be thus compelled? interrupted I, with equal indignation and vehemence.Let go my handsI am resolved not to go with youand I will convince you that I ought not.
All my friends expect you, Madamall your own are determined against youWednesday next is the day, the important, perhaps the fatal day! Would you stay to be Solmes's wife?Can this be your determination at last?
No, never, never will I be that man'sBut I will not go with you! [draw me not thusHow dare you, Sir? I would not have seen you, but to tell you so]. I had not met you, but for fear you would have been guilty of some rashnessand, once more, I will not goWhat mean you?striving with all my force to get from him.
What can have possessed my angel, said he [quitting my hands, and with a gentler voice] that after so much ill-usage from your relations; vows so solemn on my part; an affection so ardent; you stab me with a refusal to stand by your own appointment?
We have no time to talk, Mr. Lovelace. I will give you my reasons at a better opportunity. I cannot go with you nowand once more urge me no farthersurely, I am not to be compelled by every body!
I see how it is, said he, with a dejected but passionate airWhat a severe fate is mine!At length your spirit is subdued!Your brother and sister have prevailed; and I must give up all my hopes to a wretch so truly despicable
Once more I tell you, interrupted I, I never will be hisall may end on Wednesday differently from what you expect
And it may not!And then, good heavens!
It is to be their last effort, as I have reason to believe
And I have reason to believe so toosince if you stay, you will inevitably be Solmes's wife.
Not so, interrupted II have obliged them in one point. They will be in good-humour with me. I shall gain time at least. I am sure I shall. I have several ways to gain time.
And what, Madam, will gaining time do? It is plain you have not a hope beyond thatit is plain you have not, by putting all upon that precarious issue. O my dearest, dearest life, let me beseech you not to run a risque of this consequence. I can convince you that it will be more than a risque if you go back, that you will on Wednesday next be Solmes's wife.Prevent, therefore, now that it is in your power to prevent, the fatal mischief that will follow such a dreadful certainty.
While I have any room for hope, it concerns your honour, Mr. Lovelace, as well as mine, (if you have the value for me you pretend, and wish me to believe you,) that my conduct in this great point should justify my prudence.
Your prudence, Madam! When has that been questionable? Yet what stead has either your prudence or your duty stood you in, with people so strangely determined?
And then he pathetically enumerated the different instances of the harsh treatment I had met with; imputing all to the malice and caprice of a brother, who set every body against him: and insisting, that I had no other way to bring about a reconciliation with my father and uncles, than by putting myself out of the power of my brother's inveterate malice.
Your brother's whole reliance, proceeded he, has been upon your easiness to bear his insults. Your whole family will seek to you, when you have freed yourself from this disgraceful oppression. When they know you are with those who can and will right you, they will give up to you your own estate. Why then, putting his arms around me, and again drawing me with a gentle force after him, do you hesitate a moment?Now is the timeFly with me, then, I beseech you, my dearest creature! Trust your persecuted adorer. Have we not suffered in the same cause? If any imputations are cast upon you, give me the honour (as I shall be found to deserve it) to call you mine; and, when you are so, shall I not be able to protect both your person and character?
Urge me no more, Mr. Lovelace, I conjure you. You yourself have given me a hint, which I will speak plainer to, than prudence, perhaps, on any other occasion, would allow. I am convinced, that Wednesday next (if I had time I would give you my reasons) is not intended to be the day we had both so much dreaded: and if after that day shall be over, I find my friends determined in Mr. Solmes's favour, I will then contrive some way to meet you with Miss Howe, who is not your enemy: and when the solemnity has passed, I shall think that step a duty, which till then will be criminal to take: since now my father's authority is unimpeached by any greater.
Dearest Madam
Nay, Mr. Lovelace, if you now disputeif, after this more favourable declaration, than I had the thought of making, you are not satisfied, I shall know what to think both of your gratitude and generosity.
The case, Madam, admits not of this alternative. I am all gratitude upon it. I cannot express how much I should be delighted with the charming hope you have given me, were you not next Wednesday, if you stay, to be another man's. Think, dearest creature! what an heightening of my anguish the distant hope you bid me look up to is, taken in this light!