Depend, depend upon it, I will die sooner than be Mr. Solmes's. If you would have me rely upon your honour, why should you doubt of mine?
I doubt not your honour, Madam; your power is all I doubt. You never, never can have such another opportunity.Dearest creature, permit meand he was again drawing me after him.
Whither, Sir, do you draw me?Leave me this momentDo you seek to keep me till my return shall grow dangerous or impracticable? This moment let me go, if you would have me think tolerably of you.
My happiness, Madam, both here and hereafter, and the safety of all your implacable family, depend upon this moment.
To Providence, Mr. Lovelace, and to the law, will I leave the safety of my friends. You shall not threaten me into a rashness that my heart condemns!Shall I, to promote your happiness, as you call it, depend upon future peace of mind?
You trifle with me, my dear life, just as our better prospects begin to open. The way is clear; just now it is clear; but you may be prevented in a moment. What is it you doubt?May I perish eternally, if your will shall not be a law to me in every thing! All my relations expect you.Next Wednesday!Dearest creature! think of next Wednesday!And to what is it I urge you, but to take a step that sooner than any other will reconcile you to all whom you have most reason to value in your family?
Let my judge for myself, Sir. Do not you, who blame my friends for endeavouring to compel me, yourself seek to compel. I won't bear it. Your earnestness gives me greater apprehensions, and greater reluctance. Let me go back, thenlet me, before it is too late, go back, that it may not be worse for bothWhat mean you by this forcible treatment? Is it thus that I am to judge of the entire submission to my will which you have so often vowed?Unhand me this moment, or I will cry out for help.
I will obey you, my dearest creature!And quitted my hand with a look full of tender despondency, that, knowing the violence of his temper, half-concerned me for him. Yet I was hastening from him, when, with a solemn air, looking upon his sword, but catching, as it were, his hand from it, he folded both his arms, as if a sudden thought had recovered him from an intended rashness.
Stay, one momentbut one moment stay, O best beloved of my soul!Your retreat is secure, if you will go: the key lies at the door.But, O Madam, next Wednesday, and you are Mr. Solmes's!Fly me not so eagerlyhear me but a few words.
When near the garden-door, I stopped; and was the more satisfied, as I saw the key there, by which I could let myself in again at pleasure. But, being uneasy lest I should be missed, I told him, I could stay no longer. I had already staid too long. I would write to him all my reasons. And depend upon it, Mr. Lovelace, said I [just upon the point of stooping for the key, in order to return] I will die, rather than have that man. You know what I have promised, if I find myself in danger.
One word, Madam, however; one word more [approaching me, his arms still folded, as if, I thought, he would not be tempted to mischief]. Remember only, that I come at your appointment, to redeem you, at the hazard of my life, from your gaolers and persecutors, with a resolution, God is my witness, or may he for ever blast me! [that was his shocking imprecation] to be a father, uncle, brother, and, as I humbly hoped, in your own good time, a husband to you, all in one. But since I find you are so ready to cry out for help against me, which must bring down upon me the vengeance of all your family, I am contented to run all risques. I will not ask you to retreat with me; I will attend you into the garden, and into the house, if I am not intercepted.
Nay, be not surprised, Madam. The help you would have called for, I will attend you to; for I will face them all: but not as a revenger, if they provoke me not too much. You shall see what I can further bear for your sakeand let us both see, if expostulation, and the behaviour of a gentleman to them, will not procure me the treatment due to a gentleman from them.
Had he offered to draw his sword upon himself, I was prepared to have despised him for supposing me such a poor novice, as to be intimidated by an artifice so common. But this resolution, uttered with so serious an air, of accompanying me in to my friends, made me gasp with terror.
What mean you, Mr. Lovelace? said I: I beseech you leave meleave me, Sir, I beseech you.
Excuse me, Madam! I beg you to excuse me. I have long enough skulked like a thief about these lonely wallslong, too long, have I borne the insults of your brother, and other of your relations. Absence but heightens malice. I am desperate. I have but this one chance for it; for is not the day after to-morrow Wednesday? I have encouraged virulence by my tameness.Yet tame I will still be. You shall see, Madam, what I will bear for your sake. My sword shall be put sheathed into your hands [and he offered it to me in the scabbard].My heart, if you please, clapping one hand upon his breast, shall afford a sheath for your brother's sword. Life is nothing, if I lose yoube pleased, Madam, to shew me the way into the garden [moving toward the door]. I will attend you, though to my fate!But too happy, be it what it will, if I receive it in your presence. Lead on, dear creature! [putting his sword into his belt]You shall see what I can bear for you. And he stooped and took up the key; and offered it to the lock; but dropped it again, without opening the door, upon my earnest expostulations.
What can you mean, Mr. Lovelace?said IWould you thus expose yourself? Would you thus expose me?Is this your generosity? Is every body to take advantage thus of the weakness of my temper?
And I wept. I could not help it.
He threw himself upon his knees at my feetWho can bear, said he, [with an ardour that could not be feigned, his own eyes glistening,] who can bear to behold such sweet emotion?O charmer of my heart, [and, respectfully still kneeling, he took my hand with both his, pressing it to his lips,] command me with you, command me from you; in every way I am implicit to obediencebut I appeal to all you know of your relations' cruelty to you, their determined malice against me, and as determined favour to the man you tell me you hate, (and, O Madam, if you did not hate him, I should hardly think there would be a merit in your approbation, place it where you would)I appeal to every thing you know, to all you have suffered, whether you have not reason to be apprehensive of that Wednesday, which is my terror!whether you can possibly have another opportunitythe chariot ready: my friends with impatience expecting the result of your own appointment: a man whose will shall be entirely your will, imploring you, thus, on his knees, imploring youto be your own mistress; that is all: nor will I ask for your favour, but as upon full proof I shall appear to deserve it. Fortune, alliance, unobjectionable!O my beloved creature! pressing my hand once more to his lips, let not such an opportunity slip. You never, never will have such another.
I bid him rise. He arose; and I told him, that were I not thus unaccountably hurried by his impatience, I doubted not to convince him, that both he and I had looked upon next Wednesday with greater apprehension than was necessary. I was proceeding to give him my reasons; but he broke in upon me
Had I, Madam, but the shadow of a probability to hope what you hope, I would be all obedience and resignation. But the license is actually got: the parson is provided: the pedant Brand is the man. O my dearest creature, do these preparations mean only a trial?