Looka here, Mac. I know somethun you cant do. Ill bet you two bits Ill stump you. They each put a quarter on the table. Now watch me, cried Marcus. He caught up a billiard ball from the rack, poised it a moment in front of his face, then with a sudden, horrifying distension of his jaws crammed it into his mouth, and shut his lips over it.
For an instant McTeague was stupefied, his eyes bulging. Then an enormous laugh shook him. He roared and shouted, swaying in his chair, slapping his knee. What a josher was this Marcus! Sure, you never could tell what he would do next. Marcus slipped the ball out, wiped it on the tablecloth, and passed it to McTeague.
Now lets see you do it.
McTeague fell suddenly grave. The matter was serious. He parted his thick mustaches and opened his enormous jaws like an anaconda. The ball disappeared inside his mouth. Marcus applauded vociferously, shouting, Good work! McTeague reached for the money and put it in his vest pocket, nodding his head with a knowing air.
Then suddenly his face grew purple, his jaws moved convulsively, he pawed at his cheeks with both hands. The billiard ball had slipped into his mouth easily enough; now, however, he could not get it out again.
It was terrible. The dentist rose to his feet, stumbling about among the dogs, his face working, his eyes starting. Try as he would, he could not stretch his jaws wide enough to slip the ball out. Marcus lost his wits, swearing at the top of his voice. McTeague sweated with terror; inarticulate sounds came from his crammed mouth; he waved his arms wildly; all the four dogs caught the excitement and began to bark. A waiter rushed in, the two billiard players returned, a little crowd formed. There was a veritable scene.
All at once the ball slipped out of McTeagues jaws as easily as it had gone in. What a relief! He dropped into a chair, wiping his forehead, gasping for breath.
On the strength of the occasion Marcus Schouler invited the entire group to drink with him.
By the time the affair was over and the group dispersed it was after five. Marcus and McTeague decided they would ride home on the cars. But they soon found this impossible. The dogs would not follow. Only Alexander, Marcuss new setter, kept his place at the rear of the car. The other three lost their senses immediately, running wildly about the streets with their heads in the air, or suddenly starting off at a furious gallop directly away from the car. Marcus whistled and shouted and lathered with rage in vain. The two friends were obliged to walk. When they finally reached Polk Street, Marcus shut up the three dogs in the hospital. Alexander he brought back to the flat with him.
There was a minute back yard in the rear, where Marcus had made a kennel for Alexander out of an old water barrel. Before he thought of his own supper Marcus put Alexander to bed and fed him a couple of dog biscuits. McTeague had followed him to the yard to keep him company. Alexander settled to his supper at once, chewing vigorously at the biscuit, his head on one side.
What you going to do about thisabout thataboutabout my cousin now, Mac? inquired Marcus.
McTeague shook his head helplessly. It was dark by now and cold. The little back yard was grimy and full of odors. McTeague was tired with their long walk. All his uneasiness about his affair with Trina had returned. No, surely she was not for him. Marcus or some other man would win her in the end. What could she ever see to desire in himin him, a clumsy giant, with hands like wooden mallets? She had told him once that she would not marry him. Was that not final?
I don know what to do, Mark, he said.
Well, you must make up to her now, answered Marcus. Go and call on her.
McTeague started. He had not thought of calling on her. The idea frightened him a little.
Of course, persisted Marcus, thats the proper caper. What did you expect? Did you think you was never going to see her again?
I don know, I don know, responded the dentist, looking stupidly at the dog.
You know where they live, continued Marcus Schouler. Over at B Street station, across the bay. Ill take you over there whenever you want to go. I tell you what, well go over there Washingtons Birthday. Thats this next Wednesday; sure, theyll be glad to see you. It was good of Marcus. All at once McTeague rose to an appreciation of what his friend was doing for him. He stammered:
Say, Markyoureyoure all right, anyhow.
Why, pshaw! said Marcus. Thats all right, old man. Id like to see you two fixed, thats all. Well go over Wednesday, sure.
They turned back to the house. Alexander left off eating and watched them go away, first with one eye, then with the other. But he was too self-respecting to whimper. However, by the time the two friends had reached the second landing on the back stairs a terrible commotion was under way in the little yard. They rushed to an open window at the end of the hall and looked down.
A thin board fence separated the flats back yard from that used by the branch post-office. In the latter place lived a collie dog. He and Alexander had smelt each other out, blowing through the cracks of the fence at each other. Suddenly the quarrel had exploded on either side of the fence. The dogs raged at each other, snarling and barking, frantic with hate. Their teeth gleamed. They tore at the fence with their front paws. They filled the whole night with their clamor.
By damn! cried Marcus, they dont love each other. Just listen; wouldnt that make a fight if the two got together? Have to try it some day.
CHAPTER 5
Wednesday morning, Washingtons Birthday, McTeague rose very early and shaved himself. Besides the six mournful concertina airs, the dentist knew one song. Whenever he shaved, he sung this song; never at any other time. His voice was a bellowing roar, enough to make the window sashes rattle. Just now he woke up all the lodgers in his hall with it. It was a lamentable wail:
No one to love, none to caress,
Left all alone in this worlds wilderness.
As he paused to strop his razor, Marcus came into his room, half-dressed, a startling phantom in red flannels.
Marcus often ran back and forth between his room and the dentists Parlors in all sorts of undress. Old Miss Baker had seen him thus several times through her half-open door, as she sat in her room listening and waiting. The old dressmaker was shocked out of all expression. She was outraged, offended, pursing her lips, putting up her head. She talked of complaining to the landlady. And Mr. Grannis right next door, too. You can understand how trying it is for both of us. She would come out in the hall after one of these apparitions, her little false curls shaking, talking loud and shrill to any one in reach of her voice.
Well, Marcus would shout, shut your door, then, if you dont want to see. Look out, now, here I come again. Not even a porous plaster on me this time.
On this Wednesday morning Marcus called McTeague out into the hall, to the head of the stairs that led down to the street door.
Come and listen to Maria, Mac, said he.
Maria sat on the next to the lowest step, her chin propped by her two fists. The red-headed Polish Jew, the ragman Zerkow, stood in the doorway. He was talking eagerly.
Now, just once more, Maria, he was saying. Tell it to us just once more. Marias voice came up the stairway in a monotone. Marcus and McTeague caught a phrase from time to time.
There were more than a hundred pieces, and every one of them goldjust that punch-bowl was worth a fortune-thick, fat, red gold.