David, Kristina and Michael, we have news for you!
The kids came and sat next to us, ready to listen.
The baby in Mamas womb is a boy. You will have a little brother! Oleg said.
David and Michael jumped up, being so happy about baby brother.
But I wanted a sister, Kristina started crying.
I comforted Kristina and shared the rest of the news.
We also have very sad news for you. Your baby brother has many issues with his heart. When he is born, he may not even live long. He might require multiple surgeries and may not come home right away.
The children were scared. With tears on their eyes, they looked at us, not sure what to ask, how to react or what to answer.
We need to pray to God and ask Him to heal our baby, Oleg said. God is powerful. He heals people, if it is His will.
Oleg embraced the children in his arms. We all prayed and cried out to God, asking for His mercy.
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One week later, while Oleg was at work, I had a second ultrasound at a high-risk Obstetrician/Gynecology clinic.
Olga, this ultrasound confirms that all the problems with your babys heart are real, summarized the doctor.
Why did it happen to our baby? Did I do something wrong? I asked through tears.
No one knows why the Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome occurs. As with most congenital heart defects, there is no known cause.
Can you tell me more about the surgery? I asked.
Sure, the doctor said. It is a very complicated open-heart surgery. Eighty-five percent of babies survive the first surgery. Less babies survive the second surgery. And a lot less babies survive all three surgeries. With time, their heart becomes very weak. They require a heart transplant. If they cant wait long enough for the transplant, they die. Only a few individuals live up to thirty years.
The doctor paused, and I did not know what to say or ask. What a terrible dilemma for a parent to face. Our baby will die if we dont do the surgery. But, I also didnt want my baby to go through the pain of surgery
Olga, you may consider an abortion, the doctor said.
No, quickly escaped my lips. I love my baby so much already. There is no way we can do an abortion. I am also from a Christian family and we know that abortion is a sin. I feel that aborting my baby would be the same as killing him. I cant do that. His life is in Gods hands. I will give my baby all chances for life, and I know God will help me.
The doctor looked at me, regretfully. He knew I had no idea what I was facing if I decided to go with open-heart surgeries on a newborn baby.
I will refer you to a cardiologist, the doctor said. They will do an echocardiogram, which will show more details of your babys heart. Talk to your husband. You still have time to do an abortion, if you decide.
I left the doctors office and called Oleg.
The ultrasound confirmed again that our babys heart is badly malformed and is not going to change, I said through tears.
God will help us, Olga. Please dont cry, Oleg tried to calm me with little success.
I cant accept it. I dont want to accept it. Why did God let it happen to our baby? Did we do something wrong? Is He punishing us for something?
Olga, we dont know why it happened. You know we didnt sin. I dont think God is punishing us. For some reason, He let it happen and He will help us through it, Oleg did his best to soothe me.
Until that day, I was hoping that it was a mistake, but it seemed that both Oleg and I were powerless, and that God had failed us. Driving home, I cried out to God, hardly seeing the freeway through tears.
Why, God, You decided to give us an ill baby? Are you punishing us for something? Show me, what is it? I will do whatever it takes to fix it. I just want our baby to be healthy.
But God was quiet. I didnt hear Him answer
At home, I continued to cry and implore God to heal our baby. I could do this since Oleg was at work and the children were at school. I was home alone. No one could see me cry. After a while, I began to sense a different perspective. I felt as if through our experience with the third pregnancy, God prepared us to better handle the issues in the fourth pregnancy. The doctors predicted that our third child could be born with serious health problems, but he was a healthy baby. Could it happen again? Here we were, facing a decision: the doctors were telling us there was a huge problem and suggesting an abortion; our religious values said we should not do an abortion. How do you decide such a critical question? I knew Oleg and I needed to think and agree, and it had to come from our heart and values.
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I knew our situation would be nearly unbearable and that we would need lots of advice, love, help, comfort and support, to be able to deal with this complicated pregnancy. I first turned to my Father. We share a special connection; I know he will always be there for me. His words and guidance come from the heart. When I was a child, I always heard him pray every night and I knew God heard him. My Father also often told us how God healed others through the hands of his Grandfather. I knew we had to pray.
Dad, our babys heart issues are so serious. Can you please pray for us? I asked my Father.
Olga, the news is terrifying, but please, take care of yourself, my Father said. Dont worry. God will take care of you and your baby. We will pray, and God will help. I love you, Daughter. Be strong.
I know Dad worried and wanted to help me. Even though there was little he could do, he could continue loving us and praying for us.
I also called my Mother-in-law to tell her the news and ask her for prayers. She is such a wonderful lady. She tried to calm me down and asked me not to worry, reminding me that often the doctors are wrong. She promised to pray for us.
Next, I called our friends, relatives, co-workers and neighbors, and asked them to pray for us. The illness of our baby did not only add worry to Oleg and me. It affected our whole big family and the people who surrounded us. Everyone questioned why God let it happen. People didnt know what to tell us or how to comfort us, yet they promised to pray for us.
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We sought support and comfort from the ministers of our church. We spoke to them about the serious problems of our baby, expecting prayers and the traditional anointing of the holy oil. Instead, we heard the opposite, Check your lives. Maybe there is something for which God is punishing you. God doesnt usually give ill children to Christians.
Oleg and I were shocked. We expected support rather than more pain. We knew we didnt sin. We thought God is merciful. Everything comes from God. Nothing is done without His will. It is only God who judges us. Returning home, we prayed asking God to heal our son and to give us strength and understanding to accept His will.
Every day I was in tears. Often, I called my best friend, Katya, with my questions. She knew I needed help.
Call Pastor Ivan, she suggested. He is my cousin, a positive and a knowledgeable person. He will answer your questions.
One day, when I just couldnt find peace, I called the Pastor Ivan, whom I had never met. I asked him my questions. His answers were like a breath of fresh air that poured new life and strength into our lives.
If you dont feel that you have done anything wrong before God, stop asking for forgiveness, the Pastor Ivan said. Praise God for everything He is doing, even for what you dont understand today. The Bible says that everything comes from God and nothing is done without His will. It was His will to give you an ill baby. Maybe God is preparing you for something. He may do His work through you. Praise God for everything and be patient. It will not last forever. Usually, the sun comes out after a thunderstorm!
This unexpected word of encouragement strengthened our belief that everything comes from God. Although we did not understand everything, we felt relieved after our conversation with Pastor Ivan. We thanked God that he inspired us and poured in us a positive energy. It's like he gave us life back. In our tormented heart God's peace appeared again, which is above all our thoughts and doubts.